


The Detective And His Blogger

by SherlockedGinger



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Blogger - Freeform, Detective, Fluff, Humour, M/M, Male Slash, Pre-Slash, Romance, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-17
Updated: 2013-10-14
Packaged: 2017-11-25 20:45:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 25,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/642799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SherlockedGinger/pseuds/SherlockedGinger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor and the Detective sounds like a rubbish romance novel. The Detective and His Blogger has some potential though. Text "snapshots" of John and Sherlock's developing relationship from their admissions of romantic interest to their anniversary and beyond. Now with wedding, Halloween and Christmas chapters! Smatterings of Lestrade, Mycroft and others. Fluff and sarcasm galore! Rated for minor sexual references and language.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Potential

**Author's Note:**

> This is my version of a text fic. It will center around John and Sherlock but there will be some odd dashes of Mystrade thrown in as well. There are over a dozen chapters - so if you enjoy this one check out the others! Most can be read on their own or as a series. Just enjoy!
> 
> If convenient please comment; if inconvenient comment anyway.

12:00  
I'm bored....  
SH

12:02  
I'm at work Sherlock.  
JW

12:02  
I'm aware of your location, John.  
SH

12:03  
I mean I'm busy  
JW

12:03  
No, you're on break.  
SH

12:04  
That's beside the point. I could be busy.  
JW

12:04  
But you're not. And I'm bored.  
SH

12:05  
So do an experiment or something!  
JW

12:06  
No material since you insisted I dispose of my Arachnid collection.  
SH

12:08  
You know I hate spiders! Well just drop by Bart's and ask Molly for something. I'm sure she would love to see you.  
JW

12:09  
Yes. But I'd rather not see her.  
SH

12:09  
That's not nice Sherlock.  
JW

12:10  
No it isn't. But why is that relevant?  
SH

12:11  
Why do I bother?  
JW

12:11  
Bother with what?  
SH

12:12  
Nothing. Never mind.  
JW

12:20  
John, have you ever thought about us in a romantic sense?  
SH

12:22  
Where the hell did that come from?!  
JW

12:24  
Ms. Hudson just came up. Made another comment about the two of us being "so sweet together" when she saw I was texting you at the clinic. Everyone else seems to think of us as more than friends. Simply curious as to your thoughts on the matter.  
SH

12:26  
Oh. Well yeah. I suppose.....  
JW

12:26  
And?  
SH

12:29  
And I think it sounds a bit like a bad romance novel. The Doctor and the Detective.  
JW

12:29  
I'm offended. Detective should come first.  
SH

12:29  
Right. My mistake.  
JW

12:30  
Forgiven.  
SH

12:35  
Have you?  
JW

12:35  
Have I what?  
SH

12:36  
Thought about it?  
JW

12:36  
Thought about what?  
SH

12:37  
Don't play coy with me Sherlock. You know.  
JW

12:37  
Do I?  
SH

12:38  
Sherlock!  
JW

12:38  
Yes, John?  
SH

12:39  
Stop being a prat. Answer the question  
JW

12:39  
Fine. Yes  
SH

12:40  
And?  
JW

12:40  
And I think you're right. The Doctor and the Detective sounds like a rubbish romance novel.  
SH

12:41  
Oh. Right  
JW

12:41  
The Detective and His Blogger has some potential though.  
SH

12:41  
Really?  
JW

12:42  
Really.  
SH

12:42  
How much potential?  
JW

12:42  
Would you two get on with it already!  
MH

12:42  
Mycroft!?!  
JW

12:42  
Stop hacking our texts!  
SH

12:43  
I'm merely looking out for your welfare little brother.  
MH

12:43  
Don't you have a government to run? Or perhaps some cake to eat?  
SH

12:43  
Mycroft would you just but out? This is a private conversation.  
JW

12:43  
Not anymore.  
MH

12:44  
What if the conversation were to turn into a rather personal conversation? Between two potential lovers.  
JW

12:44  
I'm curious to see where this goes.....  
SH

12:44  
You wouldn't dare.  
MH

12:45  
Really? Sherlock do you recall that time you arrived at Buckingham Palace in nothing but a sheet?"  
JW

12:45  
Dr Watson!  
MH

12:46  
I asked if you where wearing anything under that sheet. You said no. Remember how we laughed?  
JW

12:46  
Like schoolchildren!  
MH

12:46  
It was amusing!  
SH

12:47  
Well I wasn't laughing because it was amusing. I was laughing to distract myself. I was laughing because if I didn't I would have jumped you right then and there.  
JW

12:47  
John Hamish Watson! Cease and desist immediately!  
MH

12:47  
Full name Mycroft? Really? You're not my older brother.  
JW

12:48  
Thank your lucky start for that, John.  
SH

12:48  
Shut up Sherlock!  
MH

12:49  
Leave our conversation.  
JW

12:49  
No. I feel it is vital to your safety that I have constant surveillance of you.  
MH

12:50  
Seriously Mycroft. Finale warning. Give us our privacy or I will begin to describe in rather vivid detail exactly what I wanted to do to your younger brother that day. Starting with the removal of the sheet.  
JW

12:50  
Oh god, John....  
SH

12:51  
I never thought you would sink so low.  
MH

12:51  
Yeah well spending so much time with you two manipulative gits must have rubbed off on me.  
JW

12:51  
I'm offended!  
SH

12:52  
Indeed.  
MH

12:52  
So?  
JW

12:52  
So what?  
MH

12:52  
So why are you still in this conversation?  
JW

12:53  
Fine. You win Dr Watson. I'll remove the surveillance from your phones.  
MH

12:53  
Wonderful!  
JW

12:55  
Mycroft?  
SH

12:56  
Seems like he's gone.  
JW

12:56  
Yes. So please continue with that 'vivid description" you mentioned earlier.  
SH

12:56  
Can't. Done with break.  
JW

12:57  
Bloody tease.  
SH


	2. Potential

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My attempt at solving the ever present question of what John and Sherlock would call each other in a romantic relationship.

12:05  
Sherlock are you busy?  
JW

12:05  
No. Aren't you?  
SH

12:06

Not really. Light day.  
JW

12:06  
So you can text me while you're working, but I can't text you? Doesn't seem entirely fair......  
SH

12:07  
As if you care about fair. And you do text me.  
JW

12:07  
Yes, but it bothers you immensely.  
SH

12:07  
Not really.  
JW

12:08  
You act as though it does.  
SH

12:08  
That's because it should bother me.  
JW

12:09  
I don't follow.  
SH

12:09  
Never mind.  
JW

12:10  
I have question for you.....  
JW

12:10  
Shoot.  
SH

12:10  
Not literally.  
SH

12:11  
I know what you meant.  
JW

12:11  
I should hope so. What's your question?  
SH

12:12  
What should we call ourselves now that we're together?  
JW

12:12  
John and Sherlock.  
SH

12:12  
Or perhaps Johnlock. If you're the sort for couple names. Frankly I think they're ridiculous.  
SH

12:13  
I mean with other people. How should I introduce you?  
JW

12:14  
Or The World's Only Consulting Detective. Or if you think that sounds a bit too pretentious - as a genuis.  
SH

12:14  
Sherlock!  
JW

12:15  
Right. Sorry. As your boyfriend then.  
SH

12:16  
But that's so common. Everyone has a boyfriend.  
JW

12:16  
Everyone?  
SH

12:17  
You know what I mean. It just doesn't fit us.Makes us sound like two kids in Uni....  
JW

12:18  
Partners then?  
SH

12:18  
Too formal.  
JW

12:19  
Lovers?  
SH

12:19  
Yeah, right.  
JW

12:20  
What's wrong with lovers?  
SH

12:20  
It sounds illicit. People who have lovers are usually married to someone other than their lover.  
JW

12:21  
I see your point. Though you could be my lover, since I'm married to my work.  
SH

12:21  
Be serious.  
JW

12:22  
I'm sorry but I can't devote the same mental energy to this matter as you are. I've already reached my conclusion in this matter.  
SH

12:22  
So how are you introducing me then?  
JW

12:23  
"This is John Watson, my idiot."  
SH

12:32  
Sherlock!  
JW

12:32  
Not good?  
SH

12:33  
Bit not good!  
JW

12:33  
But I mean it fondly.....  
SH

12:34  
So you're saying that you calling me an idiot is you being affectionte?  
JW

12:34  
Well you're not just any idiot, are you? You're my idiot. Makes you special.  
SH

12:35  
As flattered and I am by the thought - Not happening.  
JW

12:35  
Why not?  
SH

12:36  
It just isn't!  
JW

12:37  
Fine.  
SH

12:40  
I have a suggestion....  
SH

12:40  
Yeah?  
JW

12:41  
Exception.  
SH

12:41  
I don't follow.  
JW

12:41  
I told you that I was married to my work, remember?  
SH

12:42  
Yes. Hard thing to forget.  
JW

12:42  
And that I don't do relationships.  
SH

12:42  
Until now....  
JW

12:43  
Exactly. And you're not gay, correct?  
SH

12:43  
Except when it comes to you, obviously.....  
JW

12:44  
Exactly. We're both exceptions to the other's rules.  
SH

12:44  
"This is Sherlock Holmes, my exception."  
JW

12:45  
Precisely. What do you think?  
SH

12:46  
I like it. Rather romantic actually. In it's own way, I mean.  
JW

12:46  
No need to sound so surprised.  
SH

12:47  
I don't sound anything. We're texting.  
JW

12:47  
You're tone is still conveyed through the texts.  
SH

12:48  
Right. Sorry then. Just never figured you had a romantic side.  
JW

12:48  
And why not?  
SH

12:49  
High-functioning Sociopath?  
JW

12:49  
Touché.  
SH


	3. Warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when it snows in the middle of the night at Baker Street? Sherlock becomes a bit of a petulant child and disrupts John's beauty sleep. Enjoy!

3:27  
Are you awake?  
SH

3:28  
Sherlock? What's wrong? Where are you?  
JW

3:28  
In my room.  
SH

3:29  
Oh. Is something wrong?  
JW

3:30  
Yes. I'm cold. It's positivley frigid.  
SH

3:30  
You're cold?  
JW

3:31  
Well it is snowing outside  
SH

3:31  
You texted me at 3:30 in the morning just to tell me you're cold?  
JW

3:32  
3:27. And yes.  
SH

3:32  
Get a blanket!  
JW

3:33  
Won't work. I need another source of heat generation,  
SH

3:33  
Do you expect me buy you a heater or something?  
JW

3:34  
Don't be ridiculous. I want you to be my heater.  
SH

3:34  
Oh.  
JW

3:34  
You want me to sleep with you?  
JW

3:35  
No. I want you to come stand in the room so that the heat generated from you body helps to raise the overall temperature.  
SH

3:35  
Are you serious?!  
JW

3:36  
It's called sarcasm, John. I employ it often enough you should be familiar with the concept.  
SH

3:37  
Oh - Right. Well it's too early for sarcasm and I'm too tired.  
JW

3:38  
To tired to sleep with me? I wasn't implying anything.  
SH

3:38  
To tired for sarcasm.  
JW

3:39  
Oh. Right. My apologies.  
SH

3:39  
It's fine.  
JW

3:41  
Are you coming down?  
SH

3:41  
Why should I?  
JW

3:42  
I just told you - I'm cold!  
SH

3:42  
Why can't you come up to my room then?  
JW

3:43  
Because I can't sleep anywhere except for my own bed.  
SH

3:44  
And the couch.  
JW

3:44  
Shut up.  
SH

3:45  
Or the back of a cab.  
JW

3:45  
That only happened once!  
SH

3:46  
And I had to drag you up the steps and into the flat.  
JW

3:47  
I hadn't slept for 6 days!  
SH

3:48  
Still happened.  
JW

3:49  
Would you just get down here? Before I develop pneumonia or something...   
SH

3:49  
What's the magic word?  
JW

3:50  
Danger.  
SH

3:50  
There's nothing dangerous about sharing a bed Sherlock.  
JW

3:51  
Depends on your definition of danger.  
SH

3:51  
Right. I'm coming down.  
JW

3:52  
Works every time.  
SH


	4. The Next Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set the morning after Warmth - Mrs. Hudson finds out about the boys and is very pleased.

11:02  
Ms Hudson is coming up. Shall I tell her we no longer need two bedrooms?  
SH

11:02  
Go ahead. She's been waiting for us to become a couple since day one.  
JW

11:05  
John I think something is wrong with her!  
SH

11:05  
Why? What's going on?  
JW

11:06  
She's squealing and gesticulating violently.  
SH

11:07  
Oh. Women do that when they're excited by something like romance. No big deal.  
JW

11:07  
But she sounds like a severly wounded pig.  
SH

11:08  
Sherlock!  
JW

11:08  
It's true.  
SH

11:09  
I'm sure it is. Just don't tell her that.  
JW

11:10  
Too late....  
SH

11:10  
You're really rude you know.  
JW

11:11  
Doesn't seem to bother her. She is clapping her hands.  
SH

11:11  
I knew she'd be happy.  
JW

11:12  
Indeed. She seems thrilled. Irritatingly so.  
SH

11:12  
Made a rather odd comment though.  
SH

11:13  
What's that?  
JW

11:14  
She's going to buy earplugs....?  
SH

11:15  
Oh my god.  
JW

11:15  
What?  
SH

11:16  
I never though Ms Hudson would be so cheeky.  
JW

11:17  
What's cheeky about it? Why does she need earplugs?  
SH

11:18  
The walls are thin, Sherlock.  
JW

11:18  
So? The violin had never bothered her before.  
SH

11:19  
She's not talking about the violin.  
JW

11:2  
What then?  
SH

11:20  
Do I really have to spell this out for you or are you just being difficult?  
JW

11:21  
Yes.  
SH

11:21  
Yes I have to spell it out or yes you're being difficult?  
JW

11:22  
Yes.  
SH

11:22  
Fine I give up. I'll just explain.  
JW

11:23  
Thank you.  
SH

11:24  
You recall how I got Mycroft to remove phone surveillance?  
JW

11:24  
Of course. Your finest hour.  
SH

11:25  
No need to over do it.  
JW

11:25  
No, really. It should go on your blog.  
SH

11:25  
No way in hell.  
JW

11:26  
Why not?  
SH

11:27  
There's such a thing a too much information.  
JW

11:27  
Don't be ridiculous.  
SH

11:28  
No. Seriously. It's not happening.  
JW

11:29  
Fine then. Just get back to the explanation.  
SH

11:30  
Right. Let's just say I plan on using a similar method to force Mycroft to remove the video surveillance of the flat.  
JW

11:32  
Oh. Right. Earplugs...  
SH

11:33  
Yeah. Got it now, have you?  
JW

11:33  
Any chance you can come home early?  
SH


	5. Doctor's Orders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock is ill with the flu - but of course that's not going to keep him from science!

12:04  
Where are you?  
JW

12:04  
At home. Resting.  
SH

12:05  
Really?  
JW

12:05  
Yes. Watching inane telly on the couch. Just like the Dr ordered.  
SH

12:06  
That's very interesting....  
JW

12:06  
It is?  
SH

12:07  
Yes. Because I'm home too.  
JW

12:07  
Why are you there?!  
SH

12:07  
A better question is why aren't you here?  
JW

12:08  
I got bored lying around.  
SH

12:08  
You have the flu. You're supposed to lie around.  
JW

12:09  
But I was bored....  
SH

12:09  
I don't care. Where are you?  
JW

12:09  
Not telling.  
SH

12:10  
I could always send Mycroft to find you.  
JW

12:10  
You wouldn't dare.  
SH

12:10  
Try me.  
JW

12:11  
At St Bart's. Molly has a fresh corpse ideal for experimenting.  
SH

12:11  
Right. I'm coming to get you.  
JW

12:12  
No! I'm not finished.  
SH

12:13  
I just dropped home on my lunch break to check on you and find that you're at the morgue. With a flu! Not in the mood to argue.  
JW

12:14  
Well I am. And it's not as if the deceased care.  
SH

12:14  
Only a fool argues with his Dr.  
JW

12:15  
Or a bored genius.  
SH

12:16  
I don't care what the hell you are. I'm bringing you home and putting you to bed.  
JW

12:16  
No arguments there.  
SH

12:17  
To sleep, Sherlock.  
JW

12:17  
So you're just going to abandon me to boredom, then? Let my mind slowly tear itself to shreds?  
SH

12:18  
Yes. Once you're well you can experiment all you like  
JW

12:18  
I thought you loved me.  
SH

12:19  
I do and you know it. Dramatic child....  
JW

12:19  
I loathe being sick.  
SH

12:19  
And I loathe you being sick.  
JW

12:20  
Yes I'm sure after a day spent caring for the ill and invalid the last thing you want is to come home and care for another one.  
SH

12:20  
Glad you understand.  
JW

12:21  
Didn't realize I was such a burden to you, John.  
SH

12:21  
Come on Sherlock. Don't be like that.  
JW

12:22  
Like what?  
SH

12:22  
All petulant and wounded.   
JW

12:23  
Oh I'm sorry. Is it burdening you?  
SH

12:23  
I didn't mean it like that. I was just kidding.  
JW

12:26  
Sherlock?  
JW

12:30  
Oh come on! I'm sorry.  
JW

12:33  
Answer me!  
JW

12:34  
God you can be so childish when you're sick.  
JW

12:35  
I love taking care of you.  
JW

12:35  
Really?  
SH

12:36  
Really.  
JW

12:37  
Then why do you hate it when I'm sick?  
SH

12:37  
Because I can't really be near you. Can't hug you. Can't kiss you. It's like we're just back to being friends again.  
JW

12:38  
Oh.  
SH

12:38  
Yeah.  
JW

12:38  
Well you could.  
SH

12:39  
Then we'd both be sick.  
JW

12:39  
Exactly. Misery loves company.  
SH

12:40  
Tempting as that sounds - I can't.  
JW

12:40  
Says who?  
SH

12:40  
Says my patients at the clinic.  
JW

12:41  
Prats.  
SH

12:41  
Sherlock!  
JW

12:41  
What?  
SH

12:42  
Don't call my patients prats.  
JW

12:42  
Why not?  
SH

12:42  
Because they aren't.  
JW

12:43  
They take you away from me.  
SH

12:43  
When did you get so possessive?  
JW

12:43  
I've always been possessive.  
SH

12:44  
Really?  
JW

12:44  
Yes. My doctor. My blogger.  
SH

12:44  
Oh. Right. Never noticed that before.  
JW

12:45  
Does it bother you?  
SH

12:45  
No. I think it's adorable.  
JW

12:45  
Adorable?  
SH

12:45  
Yeah.  
JW

12:46  
I'm not sure if I should be pleased or offended.  
SH

12:46  
It was meant as a compliment.  
JW

12:47  
Oh. Then I will definitely take it offence at it.  
SH

12:48  
You're a prat. And - Bless you.  
JW

12:48  
How did you know I sneezed?  
SH

12:48  
Turn around.  
JW


	6. Meeting Mummy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of sibling rivalry comes into play when Mycroft alerts the infamous Mummy to John and Sherlock's relationship.

1:27  
Can you buy some rat poison?  
SH

1:27  
Why?  
JW

1:28

Well I'm fresh put of belladonna and I want to make a cake.  
SH

1:28  
With poison....?  
JW

1:28  
Yes. It's a gift.  
SH

1:29  
Oh. I'm not letting you poison Sally.  
JW

1:29  
It's not for Donovan.  
SH

1:30  
Not letting you poison Anderson  
JW

1:30  
Not for him either.  
SH

1:31  
Mycroft?  
JW

1:31  
Took you long enough.  
SH

1:32  
Third time's a charm.  
JW

1:32  
Has nothing to do with charm. It's process of elimination.  
SH

1:33  
Figure of speech, Sherlock.  
JW

1:33  
Oh. Right.  
SH

1:33  
Why do you want to poison Mycroft?  
JW

1:34  
Do I need a reason to poison my brother?  
SH

1:34  
Actually - Yes.  
JW

1:35  
He told Mummy about us.  
SH

1:35  
Oh. Is that a problem?  
JW

1:35  
Yes. Now she wants to meet you.  
SH

1:36  
And that's a problem because?  
JW

1:36  
Do you fancy spending a weekend with a cross between Mycroft and Ms Hudson?  
SH

1:37  
She's your mother.  
JW

1:37  
Her biological relation to me doesn't make her less irritating.  
SH

1:38  
Maybe not but you can't ignore your mother.  
JW

1:38  
And what about the rest of my family?  
SH

1:38  
The rest?  
JW

1:39  
Yes. Aunts. Uncles. Cousins. Family friends. Mummy wants to show us off to them.  
SH

1:39  
Show us off??  
JW

1:40  
Yes. With an extravagant ball.  
SH

1:40  
Ball? Like classical music and waltzing?  
JW

1:41  
And mindless chit-chat. Superficial idiots galore.  
SH

1:41  
Wow. You really don't want to go then?  
JW

1:41  
No.  
SH

1:42  
Why? Do you?  
SH

1:42  
I don't know. Might be nice....  
JW

1:42  
What could possibly be nice about it?  
SH

1:43  
Seeing you in a tux for one....  
JW

1:43  
Oh.  
SH

1:44  
Dancing with you would be another nice perk.  
JW

1:44  
Oh. Didn't think of that.  
SH

1:44  
You'd be in a tux too.  
SH

1:45  
I don't have one.  
JW

1:45  
We'll fix that.  
SH

1:46  
Oh. Then, Yes. I'll be in a tux too.  
JW

1:46  
And mummy does love slow dances.  
SH

1:47  
So do I.  
JW

1:47  
Really? I didn't know you could dance....  
SH

1:48  
Yeah well it's been ages. We can even have a bit of fun.  
JW

1:48  
Fun? You're very optomistic about this.  
SH

1:49  
Sure. You can deduce the guest's secrets. We'll stir up a scandal or something.  
JW

1:49  
You have a surprisingly devious nature.  
SH

1:50  
Only when I'm around you.  
JW

1:51  
I'll take that as a compliment.  
SH

1:52  
Take it how you want. I'm just stating fact.  
JW

1:52  
Right. Cancel the rat poison.  
SH

1:53  
So I'll be meeting your mother then?  
JW

1:53  
I'll take you to buy a tux tonight.  
SH

1:54  
Really?  
JW

1:54  
Yes. Going on Mycroft's tab.  
SH

1:55  
Better form of revenge than poisoning...  
JW

1:55  
Indeed. Saves me the trouble of attending his funeral as well.  
SH

1:56  
You're horrible.  
JW

1:56  
Yet you love me anyway.  
SH

1:57  
Yeah. I do. God help me.....  
JW


	7. Very Lucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit different from the others. It's a text conversation between John and Lestrade instead of John and Sherlock. I wanted to show-case some of the changes in Sherlock since he's been with John.

3:45  
John where are you?  
GL

3:46  
At the clinic. Why?  
JW

3:46  
I think there's something wrong with Sherlock.  
GL

3:47  
What happened? Where are you?  
JW

3:47  
Calm down. Nothing like that. He's not injured.  
GL

3:48  
Oh. What's going on then?  
JW

3:48  
He just invited me to dinner.  
GL

3:49  
What?!  
JW

3:49  
And called me "Greg".  
GL

3:50  
Holy shit....  
JW

3:50  
That was my reaction too.  
GL

3:51  
I don't even know what to say.  
JW

3:52  
Neither did I.  
GL

3:52  
God, this is so bizarre.  
JW

3:53  
You're telling me.  
GL

3:53  
I wonder what's going on.  
JW

3:54  
Think it might be an experiment or something?  
GL

3:54  
Not likely. I doubt he'd learn anything by taking you to dinner.  
JW

3:55  
Never can tell with him.  
GL

3:55  
That's true. Exactly what did he say? Might help me figure this out.  
JW

3:56  
"Greg, since your wife is at her mother's after your fight the other night;why don't you join John and I for dinner tonight? There's a lovely Italian restaurant we frequent."  
GL

3:56  
Well he does get to eat there for free. If it makes you feel better.  
JW

3:56  
It does actually.  
GL

3:57  
So what did you say?  
JW

3:57  
Nothing. He just walked off without waiting for my answer.  
GL

3:58  
Well that's normal at least.  
JW

3:58  
Yeah. I was relieved when he walked away because I couldn't say anything for a bit.  
GL

3:59  
I can imagine.  
JW

4:00  
This is bloody weird. Bit scary actually.  
GL

4:00  
I suppose. But Sherlock is unpredictable.  
JW

4:01  
Yeah but he's being downright sociable. Almost nice...  
GL

4:01  
True. I've got no idea what he's up too.  
JW

4:02  
That's not helping.  
GL

4:02  
Sorry. But I don't. I'm not an expert in "Sherlock"  
JW

4:03  
Closest thing London's got.  
GL

4:05  
I just realized – it's your birthday tonight right?  
JW

4:06  
Yeah. So?  
GL

4:06  
So maybe he's inviting you to dinner because it's your birthday.  
JW

4:07  
And how would he know when my birthday is?  
GL

4:07  
It's Sherlock. He knows your toothpaste brand.  
JW

4:08  
Right.  
GL

4:09  
So there. Mystery solved.  
JW

4:09  
I don't think so. Sherlock inviting me to dinner for my birthday? Really?!  
GL

4:10  
Apparently. Maybe he's finally getting the idea of having friends.  
JW

4:10  
You really think so?  
GL

4:11  
Yeah. He actually bought Molly coffee the other day.  
JW

4:11  
Seriously?  
GL

4:12  
Yep. Gave it to her when he forced her to cancel a dinner date to help us in the lab – but still.  
JW

4:12  
I guess we are lucky.  
GL

4:13  
What do you mean?  
JW

4:13  
You remember what I told you on your first day with him?  
GL

4:14  
Vaguely. Something about him being a great man.  
JW

4:14  
And that one day if we're very lucky he might even be a good one.  
GL

4:15  
Right. Now I remember.  
JW

4:15  
Well I think its happening.  
GL

4:15  
Oh. I agree.  
JW

4:16  
You're a miracle worker John.  
GL

4:16  
Me?  
JW

4:17  
Sure. You're responsible for all this. A regular good luck charm.  
GL

4:18  
You think so?  
JW

4:18  
Of course. You're good for him.  
GL

4:19  
He's good for me.  
JW

4:19  
That's rather sweet.  
GL

4:20  
Yeah. Just don't tell him I said that. He'd be intolerable.  
JW

4:21  
More so than usual you mean.  
GL

4:21  
Exactly.  
JW

4:42  
He says I'm to meet you at Angelo's at 7:00.  
GL

4:43  
So, see you then?  
JW

4:43  
Absolutely  
GL


	8. Bloody Hug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John's having a bad day and Sherlock, as usual, isn't quite as understanding and comforting as he should be.

5:03  
Where are you?  
JW

5:03  
Just left the Yard. Lestrade's case is promising.  
SH

5:04  
How long until you're home?  
JW

5:05  
Not sure. A while. I've got to find Razz and he's across town. Another graffiti signature....  
SH

5:05  
Can you do that later?  
JW

5:06  
Why should I?  
SH

5:06  
I need a hug.  
JW

5:07  
What?  
SH

5:07  
It's when two people wrap their arms around each other in affection/comfort.  
JW

5:08  
I know what a hug is ,John. I meant, why do you require one?  
SH

5:09  
I've had a rough day.  
JW

5:10  
And that constitutes the need for a hug?  
SH

5:11  
If you discovered a case of child abuse involving a six year old you would need a hug too.  
JW

5:11  
Actually I think the victim would need one more than I.  
SH

5:12  
Well what if you also found out that a buddy from your Uni days died.  
JW

5:12  
I don't have any buddies from my Uni days.  
SH

5:13  
Sherlock!  
JW

5:13  
Well I don't.  
SH

5:14  
I suppose not. But that wasn't the point.  
JW

5:14  
And what is the point?  
SH

5:15  
That I need some comfort.  
JW

5:15  
You're not usually so melancholy.  
SH

5:16  
Can't help it. Just feels like the world is trying to break my heart today.  
JW

5:16  
I doubt the world is concerned with something as trivial as your heart.  
SH

5:17  
My heart is trivial?  
JW

5:17  
On a global scale, yes  
SH

5:18  
What about on a Sherlock scale?  
JW

5:19  
Oh come now John, you know the answer to that.  
SH

5:19  
Just checking. Now can I get a hug?  
JW

5:20  
I'm sorry but your emotional state is not as important as catching this murder John.  
SH

5:20  
Please?  
JW

5:21  
I still don't understand why it's so vital.  
SH

5:21  
It doesn't matter if you understand, just hug me anyway.  
JW

5:22  
Well it matters to me. Try and explain it.  
SH

5:22  
I can't just explain this. It's not the solar system.  
JW

5:23  
You're never going to let that go are you?  
SH

5:24  
Maybe if you come home now.  
JW

5:24  
I'm on the other side of town.  
SH

5:25  
And on my first night with you I came across town just to send a text for you.  
JW

5:25  
True. But you weren't busy solving a murder case.  
SH

5:26  
Just come home and give me a bloody hug!  
JW

5:26  
Won't that stain your clothing?  
SH

5:27  
Stop being an arse Sherlock or I will throw out those toes in the fridge.  
JW

5:28  
No! I'm on my way.  
SH

5:29  
Thanks. Love you.  
JW

5:29  
I'm aware of that.  
SH

5:30  
I know. I just like telling you.  
JW

5:30  
Are you?  
SH

5:31  
Am I what?  
JW

5:3  
Aware?  
SH

5:32  
Am I aware that I love you?  
JW

5:33  
No.Aware that I love you.  
SH

5:33  
Oh. Of course.  
JW

5:34  
Good.  
SH


	9. Distracting Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Sherlock are at a crime scene solving a case. Or attempting to. The trouble is John has taken the "brainy is the new sexy" to heart and is having a hard time concentrating. Sherlock isn't helping things.....

1:04  
Stop that.  
SH

1:04  
Why are you texting me?  
JW

1:05  
You're thinking. It's distracting.  
SH

1:06  
And you can't just tell me? I'm right here.  
JW

1:06  
True. But given the nature of your thoughts I doubt you would appreciate me saying anything aloud.  
SH

1:07  
That's unusually considerate of you.  
JW

1:07  
Not really. You simply become difficult when you're embarrassed.  
SH

1:08  
And what makes you think the nature of my thoughts are embarrassing?  
JW

1:08  
Well I doubt low lighting is responsible for your pupil dilation.  
SH

1:09  
I can't help it that you're sexy when you're deducing stuff.  
JW

1:09  
You think I'm sexy?  
SH

1:10  
I do and you know it.  
JW

1:10  
True. Still nice to hear.  
SH

1:11  
Pompous git.  
JW

1:12  
Is that anyway to speak to your Exception?  
SH

1:13  
Yes.  
JW

1:13  
Lestrade is giving us weird looks.  
JW

1:14  
Of course he is. We're texting each other despite the fact that we're within earshot.  
SH

1:14  
Maybe we should stop.  
JW

1:15  
Why? I'm enjoying this. He obviously thinks we're concealing something important.  
SH

1:15  
You're here to solve a crime not antagonize Lestrade.  
JW

1:16  
I'm multi-tasking.  
SH

1:18  
He just called us love-birds!  
SH

1:18  
I heard him.  
JW

1:19  
It's insulting!  
SH

1:20  
I agree. That's why I'm stopping now.  
JW

1:20  
Fine  
SH

1:25  
John you have really got to stop thinking!  
SH

1:25  
I can't.  
JW

1:26  
I've witnessed plenty of occasions when you aren't thinking.  
SH

1:27  
Contrary to your opinion I never stop thinking. Unless I'm sleeping of course.  
JW

1:27  
So you're cognitive function is simply that slow?  
SH

1:28  
Would you just drop this?  
JW

1:28  
Only if you control your thoughts. I require full concentration which I'm having difficulty managing with your aroused presence.  
SH

1:29  
Not my fault you're bloody gorgeous.  
JW

1:30  
Not my fault either.  
SH

1:30  
True. But you flaunt it.  
JW

1:31  
Flaunt it?  
SH

1:32  
Yep.  
JW

1:32  
I don't do that.  
SH

1:33  
Yeah you do.  
JW

1:33  
How?  
SH

1:34  
Skin tight shirts. Perfectly tailored trousers.  
JW

1:35  
They're what I'm comfortable in.  
SH

1:35  
And of course you have to wear dark colours so they contrast with your porcelain skin.  
JW

1:36  
I simply prefer dark colors. They make it easier to manevour undetected.  
SH

1:37  
Right.  
JW

1:38  
Though I suppose if my clothes are so distracting I could simply remove them.  
SH

1:38  
You're really not helping.  
JW

1:39  
I know. But it's amusing to see you blush.  
SH

1:39  
I thought you needed to focus so you can solve the crime.  
JW

1:40  
Already have.  
SH


	10. Dates And Debates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock texts Lestrade to ascertain the exact nature of his relationships with Molly and his brother. All for a case, of course.

2:30  
Congratulations.  
SH

2:30  
On what?  
GL

2:31  
You and Molly  
SH

2:31  
What are you talking about?  
GL

2:32  
Didn't you take her out for coffee yesterday evening?  
SH

2:32  
I don't even want know how you know that.  
GL

2:32  
Simple - she told me.  
SH

2:33  
Oh. I thought you might've deduced it from her perfume or something  
GL

2:33  
What relevance does her perfume have?  
SH

2:34  
I don't know, you're the genius.  
GL

2:34  
I am indeed. But you brought it up.  
SH

2:34  
It was a joke! Sarcasm  
GL

2:35  
Ah - Not very amusing.  
SH

2:35  
Why are you interested in who I take to coffee anyway?  
GL

2:35  
I'm not.  
SH

2:36  
So why bring it up?  
GL

2:37  
My brother however is.  
SH

2:37  
What?  
GL

2:38  
Don't play the fool Lestrade. I know all about you two.  
SH

2:38  
And what do you "know" about us?  
GL

2:39  
That you've been dancing around a romantic relationship for three months and when your wife finally announces that she's leaving you for the librarian you will make it an official arrangement.  
SH

2:40  
I thought you told me she was sleeping with the PE teacher?  
GL

2:40  
She was at the time. She's moved on to someone with a more stable income though. And you're avoiding the subject  
SH

2:41  
Well it's not really your business anyway.  
GL

2:41  
Sounds like that was a confirmation  
SH

2:42  
It was not!  
GL

2:42  
So it was a denial then? Careful Lestrade, I'm sure my brother has your phone bugged.  
SH

2:43  
Would you just leave off?  
GL

2:44  
No. I can hardly allow you to lead poor Molly on.  
SH

2:44  
When did you become a knight in shinning armor?  
GL

2:45  
I'm always happy to help a damsel in distress.  
SH

2:45  
I hope you're being sarcastic, because otherwise you're delusional and I won't have a delusional sociopath helping on my cases.  
GL

2:46  
Sarcasm. And that's an empty threat. Even if I was delusional I'd still be more adept at solving crimes than you lot.  
SH

2:46  
Oi! We got on just fine before you came along, thank you very much  
GL

2:47  
Just fine? I seem to recall that over half of your cases turned cold before I was consulted. And you're still avoiding the subject.  
SH

2:47  
There is no subject!  
GL

2:47  
Yes there is. Why were you on a date with Molly?  
SH

2:48  
It was not a date! It was her birthday so I was doing something nice for her.  
GL

2:48  
Of course. Forgot about that. I'll have John send her some flowers or something.  
SH

2:48  
You're sending her flowers?  
GL

2:49  
Don't sound so surprised. John has taught me some decorum. I took you to dinner remember?  
SH

2:49  
I remember you inviting me to dinner so you could use my official status to intimidate a new busboy there into giving you information on a case.  
GL

2:50  
True. But you still got a free meal from it.  
SH

2:50  
Why are you so interested in her love life anyway?  
GL

2:51  
I'm not. I just need some assistance from her that would be impeded if you two were romantically involved.  
SH

2:52  
What sort of assistance?  
GL

2:52  
For a case. She needs to date.  
SH

2:53  
You're putting her undercover or something?  
GL

2:53  
No. Just giving her a nudge in the right direction.  
SH

2:54  
So you're setting her up?  
GL

2:55  
Yes.  
SH

2:55  
With who? Why?  
GL

2:55  
An accountant we're investigating. We need someone who can get into his flat.  
SH

2:56  
You can't do that to her!  
GL

2:56  
Why not? Their personalities are compatible.  
SH

2:57  
But she could get hurt!  
GL

2:57  
She dated the most notorious criminal mastermind in recent history. She'll be fine.  
SH

2:58  
Well there's obviously no point in arguing with you.  
GL

2:58  
None at all. And if it helps you feel better John will be watching out for her and so will Mycroft.  
SH

2:59  
You're working with him on this?  
GL

2:59  
Not voluntarily. John insisted that if we're doing this to Molly then she needs protection and he contacted Mycroft about it.  
SH

3:00  
Good for him. And what have you got against your brother anyway?  
GL

3:01  
Everything. But no need to worry, I won't interfere with your relationship.  
SH

3:02  
Really? 'Cause when you first started this conversation it seemed like you were defending his honor or something, making sure I wasn't two timing him.  
GL

3:03  
Well, obviously I wasn't. And thank you.  
SH

3:03  
For what?  
GL

3:04  
Confirming my suspicions.  
SH

3:04  
What? I didn't confirm anything!  
GL

3:05  
Yes you did. But no need to worry; John and I will keep it quiet.  
SH

3:05  
Good. Because I will quiet you if you don't.  
GL

3:06  
From denial to threats?  
SH

3:06  
Well no use in arguing with you anymore, so just rescuing the last bit of my dignity.  
GL

3:07  
Right, then. Oh - John says "Congratulations" as well.  
SH

3:08  
You told him already?  
GL

3:08  
No. He's been reading the texts over my shoulder.  
SH

3:09  
You two are impossible.  
GL

3:10  
We'll take that as a compliment.  
SH


	11. As Memory Serves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John discovers that Sherlock keeps things in his Mind Palace that he wouldn't have expected. Like the date of their anniversary. It's almost sentimental of him.

6:03  
Where are you?  
JW

6:03  
Case  
SH

6:04  
Well that's not vague at all  
JW

6:04  
Sarcasm is not appreciated when I'm working  
SH

6:04  
And what are you working on?  
JW

6:05  
Trying to determine the origin of a specific greeting card  
SH

6:05  
A greeting card is important to a case?  
JW

6:06  
Yes, as the killer sent it to the victim.  
SH

6:06  
So why do you need to find out where it's from?  
JW

6:07  
Because we need to pull security footage to get a visual on him.  
SH

6:07  
Oh. Don't suppose there's any chance of you leaving it until tomorrow and coming home?  
JW

6:08  
Certainly not. Will you ever stop asking stupid questions?  
SH

6:08  
Nope. I enjoy annoying you too much  
JW

6:09  
That explains a lot.  
SH

6:09  
Like what?  
JW

6:10  
Like why you are texting me when I'm busy. You know I dislike being disturbed; it breaks my concentration.  
SH

6:10  
Actually I'm texting you because we're supposed to have dinner tonight. You know, real food. At a restaurant.  
JW

6:11  
I don't recall those plans.  
SH

6:11  
That's because I made them without you.  
JW

6:12  
And why would you do that?  
SH

6:12  
Don't worry - it's not an anniversary or anything.  
JW

6:13  
I wasn't worried about that.  
SH

6:14  
No? I thought you'd cringe at the idea of me dragging you out to celebrate something so sentimental.  
JW

6:15  
I would. But I know it's not our anniversary.  
SH

6:15  
And how do you know that?  
JW

6:16  
Because we've only been together five months and that is not a common milestone to celebrate.  
SH

6:16  
You've kept track of how long we've been together?  
JW

6:17  
Inadvertently. I was in the midst of the Milverton case at the time and it's been five months since.  
SH

6:17  
Oh. Right.  
JW

6:17  
So I've nothing to fear.  
SH

6:18  
I could force you to celebrate the anniversary for when we first met - but I honestly don't remember the date for that.  
JW

6:18  
Unsurprising. You're memory is sketchy at best.  
SH

6:19  
Not like you remember it either, tosser.  
JW

6:20  
Actually I do.  
SH

6:20  
Really?  
JW

6:21  
Of course. Why are you so surprised? I have impeccable memory.  
SH

6:21  
Doesn't seem like the sort of thing you'd want to clutter your hard-drive with.  
JW

6:22  
It doesn't take up much space.  
SH

6:22  
You know this is a bit sentimental of you. Borderline affectionate.  
JW

6:23  
Is not.  
SH

6:23  
Is too.  
JW

6:24  
It would only be sentimental if I saw the need to commemorate it in some way; which I don't.  
SH

6:24  
I'll allow you your delusions.  
JW

6:25  
I have no need for delusions. I'm right. If I recall your birthday but fail to celebrate it than am I still being sentimental and affectionate?  
SH

6:25  
You're impossible to argue with.  
JW

6:26  
Excellent observation, my dear John.  
SH

6:26  
Stop being a smart-arse.  
JW

6:27  
Never.  
SH

6:27  
So dinner?  
JW

6:28  
Tomorrow.  
SH

6:28  
Fine then. I don't suppose you need help do you?  
JW

6:29  
No.  
SH

6:29  
Right. I'll just amuse myself with a book then.  
JW

6:30  
Some company would be nice, though.  
SH

6:31  
Text me the address.  
JW


	12. The Question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock has taken up talking to John when he isn't there again. This time John missed something rather important.

12:13  
You still haven't given me an answer.  
SH

12:14  
An answer to what?  
JW

12:14  
My question.  
SH

12:15  
What question?  
JW

12:15  
Don't play the fool.  
SH

12:16  
I'm not playing anything.  
JW

12:16  
So you are a fool?  
SH

12:17  
Sherlock!  
JW

12:17  
It's a fair question.  
SH

12:18  
It is not, you tosser.  
JW

12:18  
You can answer "No". I won't be offended.  
SH

12:19  
Answer "No" to what?  
JW

12:20  
The question!  
SH

12:20  
What question?  
JW

12:21  
Really John, we went over this yesterday afternoon.  
SH

12:21  
I was at work yesterday afternoon!  
JW

12:22  
Not my fault you weren't listening.  
SH

12:22  
I don't have super-human hearing!  
JW

12:23  
Obviously.  
SH

12:23  
Would you just ask me again?  
JW

12:24  
You know I dislike repeating myself.  
SH

12:24  
Well I can't answer if you don't ask.  
JW

12:25  
But I've already asked.  
SH

12:25  
Keep this up and I'll just answer "No" to end the conversation.  
JW

12:26  
That's unfortunate. It makes perfectly logical sense.  
SH

12:27  
What makes logical sense?  
JW

12:27  
Marriage.  
SH

12:28  
Wait - Our marriage!?  
JW

12:28  
Of course. Who else?  
SH

12:29  
You're proposing to me via text message?  
JW

12:29  
No. I proposed to you in the flat - Now I'm repeating myself.  
SH

12:30  
Is this some kind of joke?  
JW

12:30  
No.  
SH

12:31  
Honestly?  
JW

12:32  
I assure you that I am perfectly serious.  
SH

12:33  
But why? I mean, you don't seem like the marrying sort.  
JW

12:33  
What is the marrying sort?  
SH

12:34  
I don't know; someone romantic and sentimental. Your opposite.  
JW

12:34  
I concede it might seems out of character - but it's a logical move.  
SH

12:35  
Marriage is logical? I can't wait for this explanation.  
JW

12:35  
Marriage will bind us legally, clearing up any possible discrepancies.  
SH

12:36  
If you say so.  
JW

12:37  
It's true. If I get taken to the hospital or die or some other misfortune then it will ensure you're protected and cared for. It also simplifies financial matters, as we can create a joint account.  
SH

12:38  
If you die it will be more than just a "misfortune" Sherlock. In fact, my own welfare will be last of my concerns. But it does make sense.  
JW

12:38  
Of course it does. So?  
SH

12:39  
So what?  
JW

12:40  
So what's your answer?  
SH

12:40  
I don't know. Can't I have some time to think this over? It's a big transition.  
JW

12:41  
Considering we're already living, working, eating, sleeping together I don't see what the difference is.  
SH

12:41  
I was being sarcastic.  
JW

12:42  
Ah - right.  
SH

12:45  
Yes.  
JW

12:45  
Yes, what?  
SH

12:46  
You know what.  
JW

12:46  
Do I?  
SH

12:47  
Yes you bloody well do!  
JW

12:47  
Turnabout's fair play, John.  
SH

12:48  
Yes but you know what I'm answering - I didn't know what you were asking.  
JW

12:49  
True. Cheers then, my future husband.  
SH

12:49  
I can actually hear your mocking undertone.  
JW

12:50  
But I'm being perfectly serious. I look forward to being your dearly beloved.  
SH

12:51  
Shut up.  
JW

12:51  
Is that any way to speak to your fiancé?  
SH

12:52  
You're enjoying this way too much.  
JW

12:53  
Well it's one of the happiest days of my life.  
SH

12:54  
Stuff it.  
JW

12:54  
You don't seem as thrilled about it as I am.  
SH

12:55  
Well I am marrying a sociopath.  
JW

12:56  
Touché. Oh - 2/7/12.  
SH

12:56  
What's that?  
JW

12:57  
The wedding date.  
SH

12:57  
You've already set the date?  
JW

12:58  
Certainly. Everything's coordinated. I've talked to the register - We'll go down around 10:00am.  
SH

12:58  
You set this up before I agreed?  
JW

12:59  
Yes. I found it extremely unlikely that you would refuse.  
SH

1:00  
And why is that?  
JW

1:01  
Because the traditional values which you were raised on make you inclined towards it.  
SH

1:01  
I'm in a straight man love with another man and spend my days chasing criminals around London, distributing vigilante justice. What traditional values are you referring to?  
JW

1:02  
Touché.  
SH


	13. Guests

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Sherlock address the issue of guests for the wedding.

10:02  
Forgot to ask you last night - who's coming?  
JW

10:02  
Coming where?  
SH

10:03  
To the wedding. I'm assuming you've invited a few guests.  
JW

10:04  
Why would I?  
SH

10:04  
Well we need a witness - and some might want to commemorate the occasion.  
JW

10:05  
I'd forgotten about a witness - you choose.  
SH

10:06  
Really?  
JW

10:07  
Of course. I hardly care who attends.  
SH

10:07  
You'd care if I invited Mycroft.  
JW

10:08  
No - I'd call off the wedding and leave you to deal with him on your own.  
SH

10:09  
Hmm - guess I'd better leave him out of it. I'd hate to be jilted by you.  
JW

10:09  
Wise decision.  
SH

10:10  
Course I still might end up alone at the altar if there's an intriguing case that day.  
JW

10:10  
You know me so well...  
SH

10:11  
I sincerely hope you're joking, because I was.  
JW

10:12  
I am. It may be difficult to discern at times but I do in fact love you.  
SH

10:13  
Good 'cause I love you. I'll invite Lestrade just in case though.  
JW

10:13  
He could still get called away and I'd follow.  
SH

10:14  
True – but I'd be there to hold you in place. Maybe we should be handcuffed together for the ceremony?  
JW

10:14  
You're taking rather drastic precautionary measures.  
SH

10:15  
Can never be too careful with you.  
JW

10:15  
Was that an insult?  
SH

10:16  
Not intentionally - but it did sound like one in text. Sorry.  
JW

10:17  
Quite alright. I do the same thing.  
SH

10:17  
No you don't. When you insult someone you do it on purpose.  
JW

10:18  
Do not. At times I'm merely stating a fact and they take offense to it.  
SH

10:18  
That's because you're saying something offensive – hence an insult.  
JW

10:19  
Not true. It's only a insult if your purpose it to offend – mine is not.  
SH

10:19  
Then what is your purpose?  
JW

10:20  
Just sharing my observations.  
SH

10:20  
If you say so.  
JW

10:21  
Let's just get back to the question of a witness.  
SH

10:21  
Right. We'll have Mrs. Hudson, Lestrade and Molly. That work?  
JW

10:22  
We only need one.  
SH

10:22  
I know - but they're our friends and I want them there. You said it was my choice.  
JW

10:23  
Fair enough.  
SH

10:24  
How about Mike as well?  
JW

10:24  
Mike?  
SH

10:25  
Yes - Stamford. He introduced us.  
JW

10:25  
That's a repulsively sentimental reason to invite someone.  
SH

10:26  
We're getting married and like it or not that is a sentimental occasion. If it weren't for him we would never have met and we owe him an invitation.  
JW

10:26  
Fine. Stamford,Lestrade, Molly and Mrs. Hudson are the end of it though.  
SH

10:27  
Sounds good to me. I prefer a small wedding anyway. What about a honeymoon?  
JW

10:27  
Honeymoon?!  
SH

10:28  
I'm kidding. I know better than to try and drag you on holiday.  
JW

10:28  
I should hope so.  
SH

10:29  
Shall I handle sending out the invitations?  
JW

10:29  
If you like.  
SH

10:30  
Just thought it would be better than them getting a text from you with just a day and time.  
JW

10:30  
Why do they need to know anything else?  
SH

10:31  
Never mind. Just let me handle it.  
JW

10:31  
Gladly.  
SH

10:32  
I'll nip down to the store after work and get some.  
JW

10:33  
Oh – get some peroxide as well.  
SH

10:33  
Will do. Love you.  
JW

10:34  
I should hope so. I don't think an unrequited romance would suit me.  
SH

10:34  
Not in the least.  
JW


	14. Molly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Molly discuss the upcoming wedding.

11:03  
I got an invitation in the mail to your wedding this morning  
Molly H

11:03  
Are you going to make it?  
JW

11:04  
You really are getting married?  
Molly H

11:04  
Of course.  
JW

11:05  
Oh - wow. I thought it was a joke or something.  
Molly H

11:05  
Why would you think that?  
JW

11:06  
Well I just never thought Sherlock would go for something like that. But then I never thought he would go for a romantic relationship at all, so shows what I know....  
Molly H

11:06  
Well he has a very logical reason behind it.  
JW

11:07  
I'm sure he does. How did you propose?  
Molly H

11:08  
I didn't.  
JW

11:08  
What?  
Molly H

11:09  
Sherlock proposed to me.  
JW

11:09  
Oh my god!  
Molly H

11:10  
Like I said, he had a logical explanation behind it.  
JW

11:11  
Still, that's really romantic of him. You two are so sweet.  
Molly H

11:11  
I don't know about that.  
JW

11:12  
But you are. How did he propose?  
Molly H

11:13  
Well he asked me one night in the flat - but I wasn't there.  
JW

11:13  
Why would he ask when you weren't there?  
Molly H

11:14  
He always talks to me, even if I'm not there. Not sure why.  
JW

11:14  
That's adorable!  
Molly H

11:15  
Actually it's irritating. I never know what I've missed.  
JW

11:15  
But if you missed the proposal then how are you getting married?  
Molly H

11:16  
Well he texted me about it the next day, since I hadn't given him an answer.  
JW

11:16  
He proposed via text?  
Molly H

11:17  
Yeah. Told you it wasn't romantic.  
JW

11:17  
That's a bit sad really. I thought he might do something clever.  
Molly H

11:18  
Like what?  
JW

11:19  
I don't know. Maybe a riddle or cipher that spelled out "Marry me?" or something.  
Molly H

11:19  
Thank god he didn't - I probably couldn't have solved it.  
JW

11:20  
What makes you say that? You're intelligent.  
Molly H

11:20  
Maybe, but just being intelligent doesn't cut it with Sherlock.  
JW

11:21  
That's true. Did you accept right away?  
Molly H

11:21  
Once I sorted out what question he wanted answered I did.  
JW

11:22  
I'm so happy for you two!  
Molly H

11:23  
Thanks.  
JW

11:24  
Who else is coming to the wedding?  
Molly H

11:24  
Mrs. Hudson, Mike Stamford, yourself and we're waiting to get confirmation from Lestrade.  
JW

11:25  
That's it?  
Molly H

11:25  
Yeah. Sherlock only wanted one person there, and that's just because we needed a witness.  
JW

11:26  
What about family?  
Molly H

11:26  
You know how much Sherlock hates his brother.  
JW

11:27  
But what about your sister?  
Molly H

11:27  
She's in rehab.  
JW

11:27  
Oh - Sorry.  
Molly H

11:28  
Don't be. Maybe she'll clean up her act this time.  
JW

11:29  
I hope so. I'd like to meet her. Maybe you should invite her to the Xmas party this year.  
Molly H

11:30  
We'll see. It's only July.  
JW

11:35  
I just got paperwork on a body that's been donated. Does Sherlock need anything?  
Molly H

11:35  
I'll ask - give me a minute.  
JW

11:41  
He wants to know specifics.  
JW

11:43  
Oh - Right. Female, age 45, died of heart-attack, weight 200, height 5'6  
Molly H

11:46  
He wants the liver and tonsils.  
JW

11:46  
Tell him to come down this evening for them.  
Molly H

11:46  
Will do. And if they end up in my new sauté-pan like the last liver I'm taking you off the guest list.  
JW

11:47  
I never thought about what happened to the parts when they leave the morgue. It's a disturbing realization to know they end up in your kitchen. I feel bad for you...  
Molly H

11:48  
You should. When I open the fridge it's usually milk, fruit, left-over Chinese and head and/or eyes in a jar. Looks like he's brewing potions or something.  
JW

11:48  
Might be. Greg once gave him a Harry Potter book as a gag-gift one year because they used to call him a wizard at the Yard.  
Molly H

11:49  
Really? Where are the pictures of that?  
JW

11:50  
On Greg's phone probably. That's where he keeps all his blackmail photos.  
Molly H

11:50  
Sounds familiar  
JW

11:51  
What?  
Molly H

11:51  
Oh- nothing. Sorry classified case.  
JW

11:52  
Oh - Okay. I've got to get back to the body. I'll see you at the wedding.  
Molly H

11:54  
See you then. Sherlock says he'll be there in half an hour.  
JW

11:54  
I told you this evening!  
Molly H

11:55  
You know time is irrelevant to him when it comes to body parts.  
JW

11:55  
Yeah I know. He'll just have to wait around here then.  
Molly H

11:56  
Have fun!  
JW

11:56  
Right. Thanks.  
Molly H


	15. Lestrade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Greg discuss gifts for the wedding.

1:12  
Are you going to make it to the wedding?  
JW

1:12  
You're really getting married? I thought it was a gag.  
GL

1:13  
Why is everyone so surprised?  
JW

1:13  
Well it's you and Sherlock – how can we not be?  
GL

1:14  
You guys weren't like this when you found out we got together.  
JW

11:15  
We thought you were together long before though.  
GL

11:15  
Yes – I remember.  
JW

11:16  
Looking back it's rather funny; don't you think?  
GL

11:16  
I suppose it is.  
JW

11:17  
I think under the word "Denial" in the dictionary there is a picture of you two.  
GL

11:17  
Hey – it wasn't denial!  
JW

11:18  
Really? Cause I seem to recall hearing nothing but "I'm not gay." from you.  
GL

11:18  
I'm not.  
JW

11:20  
... I've missed something apparently.  
GL

11:20  
I love Sherlock and I'm attracted to him – but only him – no other men. So – not gay.  
JW

11:21  
Guess that makes sense.  
GL

11:22  
Glad we've cleared that up.  
JW

11:22  
Yeah – Guess I should cancel the male-strip dancer I hired for your Stag party.  
GL

11:23  
I sincerely hope you're being sarcastic.  
JW

11:23  
What? Doesn't sound like fun?  
GL

11:24  
Need I remind you that I have a gun?  
JW

11:25  
Threatening an officer? Not a good idea, John.  
GL

11:25  
I'll take my chances.  
JW

11:26  
Well I was kidding – so no worries.  
GL

11:26  
Thank god.  
JW

11:27  
Mike and I would like to take you out to the pub though.  
GL

11:28  
Sounds good. What about Sherlock?  
JW

11:28  
Do you really think he'd want to tag along?  
GL

11:28  
Not really.  
JW

11:29  
Didn't think so.  
GL

11:30  
When do you want to go?  
JW

11:31  
Night before?  
GL

11:31  
Sounds good. I may be marrying a man, but I'll have myself a proper Stag party hang-over for the wedding!  
JW

11:32  
That's the spirit.  
GL

11:32  
Sherlock is going to hate you for this.  
JW

11:33  
Probably. Oh – what should I get you guys?  
GL

11:33  
Get us?  
JW

11:34  
Yeah – wedding gift?  
GL

11:34  
Oh! You don't need to get anything.  
JW

11:35  
Well I want to.  
GL

11:36  
I don't know – just pick something. I'll appreciate it no matter what.  
JW

11:36  
I like how you specified that you will appreciate it instead of say "we will appreciate it"  
GL

11:37  
You know how Sherlock is.  
JW

11:38  
Yes I do. Makes him easy to buy for though – if he never appreciates anything then you can't really go wrong.  
GL

11:39  
Never thought of it that way. Actually he usually appreciates what I give him.  
JW

11:40  
Too much information...  
GL

11:40  
Not like that! I meant material gifts – I got him a book on bees once and he loved it.  
JW

11:41  
Bees?  
GL

11:41  
Yeah – Bees.  
JW

11:42  
Who knew?  
GL

11:42  
Well it was relevant to a case at the time – so it seemed like a good idea.  
JW

11:43  
Does he have any cases at the moment?  
GL

11:44  
Nope. He's busy experimenting with some liver and tonsils he got from Molly.  
JW

11:44  
Charming wedding gift.  
GL

11:45  
I doubt she meant it was one.  
JW

11:45  
I'm sure she didn't. She'll probably get you something nice for the flat.  
GL

11:46  
I hope not.  
JW

11:46  
Why?  
GL

11:47  
Well I just don't think her style really fits with our flat. She likes cats and pink.  
JW

11:48  
You don't think her style fits with the flat? Are you sure you're not gay?  
GL

11:49  
Shut up – you know what I mean.  
JW

11:49  
Not really. You're flat is such a mess I don't think anything would look out of place there.  
GL

11:50  
Fair enough.  
JW

11:52  
I've got an idea for his gift!  
GL

11:52  
What?  
JW

11:53  
I'll have a badge issued for him.  
GL

11:54  
A badge? Like make him official?  
JW

11:54  
Something like that. It won't be official – but it will look it.  
GL

11:55  
Are you sure that's a good idea?  
JW

11:55  
Better than him nicking mine all the time isn't it?  
GL

11:56  
Good point. He will be thrilled.  
JW

11:56  
Great – that's settled then. Can you get a picture of him for me?  
GL

11:57  
Sure – I'll send it later on today.  
JW

11:58  
Thanks. Mazel tov.  
GL


	16. Stag Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the two after are going to be different. There will be texting intermingled – but for the most part it will be written like a normal fic. I wanted to actually focus on the wedding and give details on it and I couldn't manage that in the text format.

**9:45**

You should have come with us!

_JW_

**9:50**

You know I don't enjoy noise, crowds and idiotic behavior. Pubs are prolific in all three.

_SH_

**9:59**

Your no fun.

_JW_

**10:02**

Don't you mean "You're"?

_SH_

**10:05**

Stuff it

_JW._

**10:06**

You're intoxicated aren't you?

_SH_

**10:11**

Nop. Well maybe a tadd.

_JW_

**10:12**

Tad only has one D. And I'm assuming you meant 'Nope'? Obviously incorrect.

_SH_

**10:14**

Smartarse.

_JW_

**10:15**

You've mentioned that before.

_SH_

**10:18**

Ive just noticed that its true in boht meanings of the wrod. You act like a smart-arse and you've got a smatr lloking arse.

_JW_

**10:18**

Was that supposed to be a compliment? Because it lost its charm amidst the third spelling error.

_SH_

**10:23**

Whats smoeothing I've ever done?

_JW_

**10:24**

What?

_SH_

**10:26**

Whats somthing I hve never done?

_JW_

**10:27**

I don't understand.

_SH_

**10:29**

Its my trun and I catn think of anyting.

_JW_

**10:30**

Your turn in what? I don't understand.

_SH_

**10:32**

Course yuo dont. You nevr understnad the most improtant things.

_JW_

**10:33**

Insults on the other hand lose their effectiveness after the first spelling error.

_SH_

**10:35**

Its nto an inslut. Jus fact

_JW_

**10:36**

Inslut? I'm keeping these texts to show you in the morning.

_SH_

**10:37**

Ooh thats a good oen! Ive nevr hired a hoker.

_JW_

**10:38**

Admirable I'm sure - though entirely irrelevant.

_SH_

**10:40**

Its for hte game!

_JW_

**10:41**

I still don't understand. And honestly I don't think I want to. Stop texting me please.

_SH_

**10:45**

Btu I want too txet you! Makse it feeel like your here. And I wnat you here.

_JW_

**10:46**

Well if you're so desperate for my company you can come home.

_SH_

**10:55**

Did yuo sned acab?

_JW_

**10:56**

No. Why?

_SH_

**11:01**

John?

_SH_

Eight minutes later and he still hasn't answered. Sherlock is beginning to wonder if he ought to worry. The last time one of them got into a cab drunk it didn't turn out well.

But perhaps he simply passed out drunk at the bar and Lestrade called him a cab home? It's certainly the most logical explanation, yet it doesn't quite calm the gnawing worry settling in his chest.

**11:10**

Your borthers a git.

_JW_

The worry evaporated instantly and he felt a moment's relief which resulted in a slight smile before it was replaced with irritation.

**11:13**

Hmoe!

_JW_

A sharp rap at the door follows the text by mere seconds and hardly a minute later Mrs. Hudson is opening the door to their flat, ushering in a giggling John and a stern looking Mycroft. Sherlock doesn't attempt to hide his disdain at Mycroft presence and glares openly whilst John continues giggling in the background.

Mercifully Mrs. Hudson takes charge saying "Come on upstairs John. You've got a big day tomorrow."

His grin broadens at her words and he leans on Mycroft, whispering almost conspiratorially in his ear "Sherrlock an I are gettin married tomorrow." It's comes out more in a scratchy slur however.

"So I've heard." Mycroft responds throwing Sherlock a false smile. "Congratulations."

Mrs. Hudson takes hold of John's arm, leading him upstairs whilst Sherlock extracts his violin from its case and begins to scratch away an unpleasant high-pitched melody on it.

Mycroft ignores him and saunters into the living room, seating himself in John's chair.

"I must say, it came as a surprise to me when I discovered your intention to wed Dr. Watson. Of course I knew before he did. I've contacts in the registers office."

Sherlock continues straining the bow over the strings in discordant combinations, animosity rolling off him in waves.

Seeing that Sherlock isn't going to acknowledge him Mycroft continues "I admit that I was rather disappointed to discover that I wasn't on the guest list. I'm sure it was simply an oversight, so I've taken the liberty of adding my name."

"No." Sherlock finally speaks, low and sharp. "It was not an oversight. Your exclusion was entirely purposeful. The last thing I want is you preening around the alter!" he snaps, gesturing violently with his bow.

"Sherlock you're being a child. It your wedding and I want to be there for it. I  _will_  be there for it. Whatever ridiculous fear you have of me ruining your  _perfect day_ "

He put particular, mocking emphasis on the words and threw him a derisory smile which was met with an icy glare.

"Is unfounded. I live and work in the shadows Sherlock, much like yourself. You'll hardly know I'm there." And with that he stood and made his way towards the door.

"You-" Sherlock started angrily, but was cut off by Mrs. Hudson's reappearance.

"He's sleeping, but he'll have a wicked hang-over for the wedding." She says, with an air of forewarning for Sherlock

"Honestly, boys and their beer." She mutters under her breath as she exits the flat, expecting no thanks and receiving none.

Mycroft shoots Sherlock a quick facsimile smile and says "I'll see you two in the morning. Ten o'clock isn't it?" Then he's gone leaving Sherlock alone with his vexation.

***WEDDING DAY***

The next morning John awakens to find a harsh sliver of light cutting through the curtains and straight into his eyes. With a groan he rolls over, covering his face with his hands.

His mouth feels dry and foul and his head is heavy and sore. Bits of memory dance in his head as he vaguely recalls knocking back innumerable shots with Lestrade and stumblingly home with a dimly familiar figure at his side.

He lets out a louder groan when he recalls that the figure was Mycroft. Just brilliant.

He tentatively peeks an eyelid open and is once again assaulted with the bright daylight. He quickly snaps it shut, letting out a sigh.

He's getting married today. Married. The thought whirls in his head as though his mind is stuck on repeat. It's almost unbelievable and if he wasn't feeling so nauseous he would probably have laughed in giddy disbelief.

Suddenly a sharp, agonizing beeping cuts through the peaceful silence of his room and reflexivity he tosses over in his bed, one hand landing on the alarm clock button responsible for it. He steadies himself as the world spins, taking a few deep breaths. Now his eyes are open and he's sitting upright, slowly adjusting. He throws the clock a glare, noting that it reads 8:30. He's got just over an hour to get ready. Bracing himself, he stands, steadying himself on the bedside table before slowly making his to the bathroom.

He emerges from his shower feeling refreshed, though still achy and a bit unsteady. He makes him way to the kitchen, still wearing his bathrobe, with a damp towel around his neck. As he reaches the bottom of the stairs he sees Sherlock sprawled on the couch, a pointed glare aimed at the wall.

"Morning." He greets, his voice scratchy and quite in the morning air. His words start Sherlock to life; and he leaps from the couch like a reanimated statue. "Ah, John. Morning. I'm sorry to inconvenience you, but we're changing the date of the wedding." He explains, before dropping a quick kiss on his sandy, damp hair.

"What?" John demands, incredulously.

"You heard me. We are rescheduling." He explains.

"Yes I heard you. I meant why?" however just as the words slipped from his mouth, he realized the answer. "It Mycroft isn't it?"

Sherlock throws him a mocking smile "Aren't you quick this morning." This was answered with a glare from John. "Will you text Lestrade and let him know? I'm thinking sometime next week."

"Absolutely not." John argues "We've already told everyone and everything is set-up. Besides Mycroft would find out the date and show up no matter when or where we rescheduled."

Sherlock lest out an icy, irritated huff "Fine." he spits the word out and stalks away to dress.

John lets out a groan and massages his still aching forehead. "Damn you, Lestrade" he grumbles under his breath, recalling Greg's insistence on playing a drinking game.

Of course he'd already downed a few himself by that time, so he couldn't be blamed for his faulted judgment.

"I hope you don't intend to wed me in your bathrobe John. I do have standards." Sherlock snips as he emerges from his room moments later, pulling on his suit jacket.

He straightens it, tugging at the sleeve and glaring in John's direction.

His vexation is palatable and he's managing it the only way he knows how; by taking it out on someone, despite the fact that John isn't at fault. The tensions hangs thick in the air, like foul smoke whilst John debates how to responds.

Sometimes when Sherlock's being stroppy he just leaves so he doesn't have to deal with him. But right now the last thing he wants is to leave Sherlock to throw a tantrum so instead he counters his jab with humour

"Actually I figured you'd were a sheet down the aisle, so it seemed fair game." he retorts, tossing the still damp towel at Sherlock. It hits him squarely in the face and John lets out a satisfied chuckle. Sherlock stiffens for a moment and then with in one fluid motion he yanks it from its perch and tosses it right back at him.

"Spousal abuse before the wedding even starts?" Sherlock quips, allowing the smallest of smile to dance around his lips as the towel makes its mark, hitting John in the face as well.

"Maybe I should go down the aisle like this?" he suggests, his voice muffled behind the plush green fabric.

"Green's not your color." Sherlock argues, walking past him and tugging it as he goes and tossing it into a corner to pick up later.

Or rather, for Mrs. Hudson to pick up later when she slips up to clean their flat, which she does almost monthly.

It doesn't take John long to dress and soon enough he and Sherlock are bounding down the steps, making last minute adjustments to their jackets.

"Oh, John!" Mrs. Hudson calls as they're heading out the door. "Wait, John dear, where are you going?"

Sherlock continues out onto the sidewalk to hail a cab while John responds, confusion "To the registrar's office."

"Not with Sherlock though?" she questions, looking oddly concerned

"Of course with Sherlock. We  _are_  getting married."

"But you shouldn't see each other before the wedding, its bad luck!" She protests.

"I'm sure we'll be fine Mrs. Hudson." He reassures, trying to hide the disbelief in his tone.

"And I'm sure you won't. Richard and I saw each other before the wedding, almost all the way up until I went down the aisle and now look we I've ended up." She argues.

"Well Sherlock and I are different. He locks people up, not the other way around." he reassures, knowing how hypocritical it is of him to say so. Sherlock's been in jail three times since he's known him.

Twice John had to go down and bail him out and once he was sitting alongside him in the cell waiting for Mycroft to bail the both of them out. They still laugh about that one, mainly because of the look on Mycroft's face when he saw them, bloody and giggling as they walked from the cell.

But white lies are acceptable in his moral book, so he does what he needs to reassure her. Finally she assents and removes her pleading grip on his arm and he quickly climbs into the cab.

"What was that about?" Sherlock inquires as they pulled away from Baker Street.

"Just old superstition. Mrs. Hudson was worried that our marriage might be doomed because we're seeing each other before the wedding." He explains, with a dismissive wave of his hand.

"What? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Where did she get such a preposterous notion?" Sherlock scoffs in response.

"People say its bad luck for the bride to see the groom on her wedding day before she walks down the aisle. Don't ask me why." John answers with a shrug, wondering about the origin himself.

"And which of us is the bride?" Sherlock muses aloud.

"Stuff it. I'm not having that conversation." John grumbled gruffly.

In truth he had often wondered the same thing and was disturbed by the constant implication that it was him. Being called Sherlock's pet was still a bone of contention with him and he did not take kindly to being placed in the seemingly submissive role of bride/wife.

"And why not? It's a reasonable question." Sherlock counters, teasingly, prying into John irritation and trying to understand its root.

"Not its not. But if you're so hung up on it then  _you_  can be the bride." John snaps back, a bit harsher than intended.

"Me?" Sherlock questions, his tone more pensive than incredulous.

"Yep." John answers, feeling triumphant in making his point.

Sherlock falls silent and seems to consider it for a moment before nodding "Alright then."

John whips his head around to face Sherlock and found his face perfectly serious.

"What?" he demands, incredulously.

"I said 'Alright then.' I've no objection." Sherlock replies in a bored tone.

"You don't?"

"Unlike you John I feel no need to constantly prove my masculinity. I happen to have been born a man so I'm content with that. If I was born a woman I would've been content as well. My brain has no gender so it makes no difference to me."

John isn't really sure how to respond to it and opted for silently staring out the cab window instead.

"Come to think of it, there might even have been advantages to being a woman. Men make such fools of themselves." Sherlock muses aloud when John makes no response.

"Can we just drop this?" he grumbles, still nursing a slight headache. The smallest of smirks quirks Sherlock mouth "Certainly." he acquiesces.

They sit in silence for a few moments, then John feels a pair of firm hands on his shoulders, pulling him back towards Sherlock. "What're you doing?" he questions, trying to pull himself from Sherlock's grip.

Sherlock stiffens, confused by his resistance. "I thought you might feel better if you could lie down. I was trying to help you lean on me."

John confused face and sharp headache soften at Sherlock's words and he complies, shifting so he can lie against Sherlock, his head resting on Sherlock's chest. A few silent, awkward seconds tick by, with John breathing deeply, attempting to steady his nerves and regain his equilibrium after moving. Gentle hands stroke their way across his head and he starts at the affectionate gesture.

"You're testy this morning." Sherlock mutters in irritation. "I'm attempting to be comforting and affectionate."

John lets out a soft chuckle "Sorry. I'm still hung-over. And a bit nervous. Wedding and all." He explains, though he doubts Sherlock will understand. He's right of course.

"Why are you nervous about the wedding?" he inquires, gently carding his hands through John's hair. "It's just reciting a few words and signing some paper, then being assaulted with well-wishers and confetti." He attempts to reassure in his typically blasé fashion.

John lets out a wry laugh at his description. "Well to most people the wedding means a lot more than that." He argues, wondering is Sherlock can possibly understand what this means to him.

" Those 'few words' are vows that bind you for life. It's important." He murmurs quietly, stiffening against Sherlock's touch.

Sensing his disappointment Sherlock lets out a sigh. "It's different for me John. I've heard may promises and seen them broken. This is just a formality to me." He tries to explain, but John's face remains impassive. "You're angry aren't you? He murmurs softly when John still doesn't reply.

Something passes over John's face, something akin to confusion and then amusement. "Angry? Not at all." Then, strangely enough a laugh begins to bubble in his throat.

Sherlock looks on in confusion, waiting for the giggles to subside. "Why are you laughing? I thought you were disappointed in my lack of understanding."

The laughter fades and John manages and explanation "I was at first. But then I realized you're right. Look at Harry and Clara. Look at my mum and dad. Divorced. They promised to love each other for life and it just didn't happen. And people think you're being cold and callous when you say things like that, but you're not. I think you understand love better than I do sometimes. It's not about paper or vows or rings. You're right."

Sherlock listens to John with a look of mild disbelief and pride on his face. John understood. It was a blessed and rare occasion, even for John, to completely understand his line of reasoning and agree with it. A rare occasion celebrated with a lenghty and heated snog for the rest of the ride.


	17. Wedding Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wedding day is finally here!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm worried this is a bit too romantic/sentimental/mushy/cheesy for them – but how do you write a wedding without those elements? Hopefully they aren't OOC and the fluff isn't overwhelming- though I suppose death by fluff isn't a bad way to go

They break off a few moments before the cab pulls up to the large brick building.

John attempts to flatten his hair back into place from where Sherlock had enthusiastically carded his hands through it, tugging it in all different directions.

Sherlock snorts at his attempts "I don't care what your hair looks like."

"Well I do. I'd like to look respectable in the pictures. The last thing I want is for Harry to say 'Got yourself some action before the wedding, didn't you Johnny?' when I show her the pictures."

Sherlock's mouth twists into a smirk "If you call that action  _John_..." he started, drawling his voice slightly, knowing it speaks to an entirely different piece of John's anatomy than those related to audio reception.

"Don't start." John warns, doing his best to picture something off-putting as he feels himself already heating up beneath Sherlock's mischievous gaze. Recalling his drinking and Mycroft's embarrassing escort home the night before does the trick.

By the time they exit the cab he looks neat and put-together. Sherlock looks marvelous, per usual, he thinks ruefully. Somehow he never looks thoroughly snogged. He supposes this is partly because his erratic curls simply can't look more ruffled than they already are. And his lips are larger than normal anyway, so any swelling would go unnoticed. "Not bloody fair." he mutters under his breath as he pays the cabbie.

When he turns to head in he is surprised to find Sherlock standing at the door waiting for him. And he's even more surprised when Sherlock extended an arm saying "Shall we?"

John's eyebrows rise dubiously at his proffered arm. "You're supposed to loop your arm around it." Sherlock quips in exasperation.

John lets out a huff and does so saying "I know that. Just surprised that's all. Doesn't seem like you."

"I seem to be doing a lot of surprising things lately." Sherlock deadpans, dropping his arm when John still doesn't take it.

John chuckles at this "You always do something surprising. Why do you think I'm marrying you?"

"Oh, is that why? I'm just a convenient way to keep you from getting bored? Enliven your existence?" Sherlock quips back.

John grins "Yeah, pretty much." He tosses back with a blasé undertone. Sherlock's grin broadens and he's about to come back with a jab of his own when he's interrupted by the slam of a car door. Lestrade steps out of the cab, wincing slightly at the bright sun, followed by a sympathetic Molly.

Lestrade's wearing a simple yet sharp slate grey suit and is bearing a small blue package. Molly's wearing a lovely purple dress with a black shawl, hair pulled back into a tight ponytail. On her arm hangs a large white gift bag, covered in garish silver glitter. "Morning!" she calls when she spots them.

Lestrade flinches at her chipper tone, but flashes them a smile as well. "I'm glad to see you're feeling miserable as well." John greets and Lestrade offers a sheepish smile. "Yeah. Probably could've done without that last round or so." He grumbles in agreement.

"Nervous?" Molly inquires to Sherlock whilst the two hung-over men commiserate. "No." he answers and when she looks put out by his sharp, short response he tacks on "Nothing to be nervous about. We're practically married already." This does the trick and Molly grins.

"True. I can't get over how perfect you to are for each other." She starts with a smile and Sherlock attempts to return it. She continues on rambling in her typical fashion.

"I mean I thought you'd be perfect for me but – I mean –well – I was wrong wasn't I? But that's nothing new – I mean – I'm really happy for you guys – I just wish – I mean-Damn." She breaks off with a heavy sigh, looking resolutely away from Sherlock. Her mouth has a horrible habit of running off with her.

Sherlock is a bit unsure of how to react to her. She seems genuinely happy for them, yet saddened and even a bit hurt at the same time. He shifts uncomfortably as she tugs at the fringe of her shawl, attempting to compose herself.

"I'm sure you'll find yourself a – ah - person that – um – suits you." He murmurs finally, offering a tentative sort of comfort. Her head whips up in utter shock at his reassuring words and even he himself is surprised at their emergence from his mouth. Her surprise softens into a smile and she does something unexpected and pulls him into a hug.

He stiffens reflexively at first and then when she doesn't let go he awkwardly returns it, patting her lightly on the back. He glances up to find Lestrade and John watching them, with looks of mingled shock and amusement.

After a moment she lets go and practically leaps away from him as though just realizing what she was doing. "Sorry. I – uh – just always wanted to do that." She explains sheepishly. He just smiles "Quite alright."

Luckily their conversation is interrupted by Mrs. Hudson's arrival before it can get any more awkward. "Hello everyone!" she calls as she exits her cab. She already has tears in her eyes as she approaches and is grinning ear to ear. "Oh look at you lot. Young and in love."

Sherlock actually shudders just slightly whilst John gives tightlipped smile. Lestrade snickers and tries to cover it unconvincingly with a cough and Molly looks on with a grin.

"I knew it from the start of course. Need two bedrooms, ha!" she continues.

"Mrs. Hudson." Sherlock grumbles in protest, sounding for all the world like an embarrassed and exasperated teenager talking to his mum.

She gives Sherlock a good natured grin "Oh come on now, let me enjoy myself." She says, patting him fondly on the arm and John finds himself thinking that this is his family now.

Of course his sister is missing, but in reality Greg and Molly are like siblings to him. And Mrs. Hudson is most certainly a mother for them both. He feels a silly grin working it's way onto his face at the thought and tries to reign it in. He doesn't want to try and explain that to Sherlock.

Mike arrives a few moments later and after a round of greeting John takes Sherlock arm and they all proceed inside. There is a simple alter set up with a small table and white fold-up chairs for the guests, with elegant flower arrangements on either side, making for the an atmosphere of half-hearted romance.

John hardly notices though as he seems to have suddenly developed tunnel vision and all he can see is the altar and the Registrar as they're quickly approaching it, arm in arm.

Everyone takes their seats, setting the bags at their feet. They've decided they'll have a small "reception" at the café down the road and exchange gifts and makes toasts there.

Lestrade, having been named best man by John, comes to stand beside them. The judge is preparing everything, laying out the civil partnership document on the table for them to sign. "Oh! Almost forgot." Lestrade says suddenly and fumbles in his trouser pocket for something. After a moment he removes a pair of handcuffs.

Sherlock throws John a glare "I thought you were kidding." John looks from Lestrade to Sherlock and back again. "I was! I mean – hell I didn't tell him."

Lestrade is laughing as he takes John's wrist and slaps the cuff on. "Nope. Mycroft did though." He makes a grab for Sherlock's wrist, which Sherlock whisks imperiously away, holding it close to his chest.

"And how did Mycroft find out?" he grits angrily through his teeth. Lestrade yanks his arm down and fastens the other cuff on him.

"Apparently John's rather talkative when drunk." He says with a shrug. "All I know is that I was asked to do a favor and I've done it. 'Sides, now I get pictures." And with that he steps back.

The Registrar looks between the three of them, obviously trying to decide their mental stability. After a moment Sherlock clears his throat gruffly and prompts "Can we proceed?"

"Ah – yes. Certainly. If you'll face each other, hold hands." He requests and they do so.

Looking at each other turns out to be a bad idea though, because as soon as their eyes meet they burst into hysterical giggles at the ridiculousness of the situation. "I think it's fitting actually." John manages between chuckles. "I mean how it's kind of romantic, in its own twisted way." He jokes.

"And from this day forward you shall be bound together in holy matrimony, which is often times like an invisible pair of handcuffs, binding you together, inescapable." Sherlock intones, his voice breathless with laughter.

Lestrade joins in now quipping "And the handcuff key comes in the form of divorce" which sets them rolling again. Molly and Mike and trying to suppress their laughter whilst Mrs. Hudson looks moderately amused and disapproving at the same time.

The Registrar clears his throat and they all calm down, trying to compose themselves. "May we begin?" he asks once the laughter has completely subsided. They both nod and he begins.

"We have come together today in a community of love, to witness and support the union of Sherlock Holmes and John Watson.

This adventure in matrimony begins with the honesty existing between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson and among you who witness this event.

Be it known to you all that the responsibility for the integrity with which Sherlock Holmes and John Watson make this covenant finally rests upon their own hearts and on their friends and family." He intones.

John's heart-rate has dramatically increased and he can see that even Sherlock, though he will vehemently deny it, is also affected. The words crash over them like waves as they quickly approach the climax of the ceremony.

"Sherlock Holmes will you take John Watson to be your partner?" the register asks and Sherlock feels the weight of the words falling upon him.

He can't help but grin when he answers in an unusually heartfelt voice " I take you to be my partner, and I promise before these witnesses, to be loving and faithful, to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, to love and cherish from this day forward."

John's often heard that when people have a near-death experience their life flashes before their eyes. But he's never heard of that happening at a wedding.  _"God, don't let me die now."_  He thinks to himself as memories of their entire life together flashes before his eyes.

" _Afghanistan or Iraq?" "Not his date." "I've been reliably informed I don't have one" "We both know that's not quite true."_ And it wasn't. Even at that time he'd know that the real Sherlock was someone entirely different from the calculating, dispassionate exterior. And look how far they've come. The register's voice pulls him harshly back to the present.

"John Watson, will you take Sherlock Holmes to be your partner?" he inquires and John has the sudden urge to shout his answer triumphantly instead of calmly answering. But he forces his voice out in a warm and moderate voice.

" I take you to be my partner, and I promise before these witnesses, to be loving and faithful, to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, to love and cherish from this day forward."

And everyone has the most ridiculous smiles on their faces. Even Sherlock isn't bothering to fight his silly grin.

"The rings?" the Registrar prompts and Lestrade steps forward, extending his hand bearing a simple silver and simple gold band.

Sherlock takes the gold one and says "This ring I give thee, in token and pledge of our constant and abiding love." And slips it on John's extended finger.

John takes the silver band and repeats "This ring I give thee, in token and pledge of our constant and abiding love." And slips it on Sherlock's extended finger.

"By the authority vested in me I now join you in a Civil Marriage." The Registrar intones and Lestrade lets out a whoop. Without prompting from the Registrar John tugs at Sherlock's head, pulling him down and sealing it with a kiss.

They break off after a moment and step down from the altar and into the arms of their friends, everyone grabbing for hugs. This is made rather difficult by the fact that they're still cuffed together.

"Off, get off!" Sherlock finally snaps, pushing away a jovial Mike and teary-eyes Mrs. Hudson. "Lestrade, remove these." He says, extending his cuffed wrist.

"I'll take care of that little brother." An urbane voice drawls from the corner of the room. John half-turns in surprise, wondering if Mycroft was there the entire time without being noticed. Sherlock just stiffens and doesn't acknowledge him. Mycroft emerges, wearing a deep sapphire suit, umbrella on one arm and a key held in his other hand.

"Congratulations. Mummy apologizes for her absence, but she's out of country." He says, reaching for Sherlock's arm. Sherlock snatches it away and Mycroft responds with an exasperated look.

John extends his arm and allows Mycroft to remove the cuff. It's a wedding after all; can't they get along for one day?

"Hello Mrs. Hudson, Ms. Hooper, Lestrade, Mr. Stamford." He greets each of them with a respective nod. "Brother." He prompts and John nudges Sherlock slightly in the ribs.

"Good morning, Mycroft. Enjoy the ceremony?" he greets in a cool voice. Mycroft allows himself a small smile and answers "Immensely."

"We're headed to the café down the street for a reception. You're welcome to join us." John offers, breaking the brief, tense silence.

"That would be marvelous. Sherlock?" John can't tell if he's asking to mock Sherlock or if he really wants permission. Sherlock gives a blasé shrug and answers "I hardly care."

"Right. Shall we?" Molly suddenly breaks in, gesturing to the door. Mrs. Hudson takes up the reins of the conversation, keeping everyone chatting comfortably and they make their way down to the café.


	18. Toasts And Gifts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wedding reception and the last chapter to be written in prose format. After this it's back to texts!

Mrs. Hudson insists that they stop outside the cafe and take a few photos in front a small tree that was planted for landscaping. They acquiesce and loop their arms around one-another's waists.

Sherlock despises having his picture taken, but he manages a polite smile. John has a ridiculous grin that he can't wipe from his face. Mrs. Hudson snaps away on the digital camera they'd gotten her for Christmas until Sherlock finally gets tired of it all and walks out of frame.

"Sherlock! I wasn't done." she reprimands, gesturing for him to go back.

"You've gotten at least a dozen photographs of us in the same position. If none of those are to your satisfaction then I suggest you find a professional photographer to handle it." he retorts with a dismissive gesture.

"I want pictures of you with the wedding party." she insisted, lightly shoving Mike, Molly and Lestrade in the direction of the tree.

They formed a group, with Mike on the far end, Molly, then John, an empty space for Sherlock, and Lestrade on the other side.

"Would you get over here?" John demanded, waving to the empty space for emphasis.

"Haven't we better things to do?" Sherlock grumbles petulantly.

"No we haven't. Here. Now." John insists.

Sherlock lets out a huff, but concedes and comes to stand in his allotted place, wearing a false smile.

Mrs. Hudson snaps a picture and then trades out with Lestrade behind the camera so they can get a shot of the three of them. Mrs. Hudson stands between the two of them, arms around them, smiling and teary-eyed.

"Alright everyone," Lestrade begins, focusing the camera "Say," he brakes off as a wicked smile crossed his face "I'm not gay."

John's eyes narrowed just slightly but he couldn't keep himself from smirking. Mrs. Hudson simply fell about in giggles and even Sherlock's polite smile faltered into a smug grin.

Lestrade snaps the picture amidst his own chuckles, and satisfied, Mrs. Hudson allows them to continue into the restaurant.

It is a pleasant and warm place, very quiet and simple. A large table is already prepared for them, with an elegant bouquet in varying shades of cream and yellow serving as a centerpiece.

The owner's brother was the victim in a murder case that Sherlock helped the Yard solve a year and a half ago. When he heard they were getting married and needed a reception venue he offered, free of charge and even had a few special items prepared.

They take their seats around the table and are immediately served red wine. A few moments later the owner, Mandy, comes out to take their orders herself. "What can I get for the happy couple?" she inquires, grinning at the pair of them.

"I'll have whatever John's having." Sherlock answers with a dismissive shrug.

"Does that mean you want the same thing as me, or that you'll just pick food off my plate?" John asks, tossing him an exasperated look.

Sherlock considered for a moment before deciding "I'll take my own portion."

John smiles and says "In that case, we'll have two orders of your almond-crusted tilapia."

Mandy nods, marking it down on her pad, and moves around the table taking everyone else's orders.

When she is gone, Lestrade stand saying "As best man I know it's my job to make a speech. God knows I'm used to it by now, with my job at the Yard and everything. I'm actually quite pleased to be making one about something other than a recent string of crimes or someone's promotion." He grins at John chuckle.

"But the thing is, I'm not all that sure what to say. I could ramble on for the rest of the day with funny stories about the two of you. Or I could fill the afternoon with reasons why you're so good for each other and how wonderful it is to see love flourish amongst crime and despair. But I'm liable to get myself shot if I choose either of those two options, because both grooms would get rather pissed at me." He says, breaking off with a grin when he spots Sherlock nodding calmly at that prediction.

"So instead of a speech I am going to skip to the toast. It's short, to the point and ends in a drink; what could be better?"

Lestrade raised his glass and everyone else followed suit as he said "Here's to John Watson and Sherlock Holmes. Two of the most amazing men I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. Well, one of them is a pleasure anyway. But, that's not the point! The point is you guys make a wonderful team and I'm glad you've decided to make your partnership a permanent arrangement. Though we're really in for it now. Cheers!"

"Cheers!" everyone echoed, clinking glasses and drinking.

"I'd like to propose a toast as well." Molly began after they'd finished drinking to Lestrade's.

"Sherlock, it's no secret I've fancied you for a long time." She said, her face flushing slightly, but she continued on "And I had good reason to. You're brilliant and gorgeous, everyone sees that. But you never saw me."

John could tell by the determined look on her face that this was something she'd planned out word for word. She considered it very important and had probably recited it in her head the entire morning.

"And I thought for the longest time that something was wrong with me. But then I met John and saw the two of you together. And I realized that the reason you never looked at me twice is because I never looked at you twice."

Sherlock's face transitioned from the slightly disconcerted expression that he'd been wearing to one of mild surprise and interest.

"I mean, I stared at you sometime and stuff, but I never saw the real you. I didn't want to. I liked the super-human image I had of you. It was like a fairytale or something." She said with a small laugh.

"But when John came along I realized that he knew you in a different way than I did. He saw you in an entirely different light then I did. A more natural and accurate version of you. And he understood it and loved it. That makes him perfect for you. Here's to your happiness!" she finished, raising her glass and everyone intoned "Cheers!"

As they were finishing their food came out, so everyone settled down to eat. Mike and John chatted, catching up. Molly listened to Lestrade recounting a few of his more recent cases whilst Sherlock shot venomous glares at Mycroft, who was making small talk with Mrs. Hudson.

Suddenly a warm, calloused hand sliding over his own and he whips his head around to find John smiling at him.

"Would you please stop sending your brother death threats with your facial expressions?" he reprimands lightly. "He's not bothering you. Just let it go."

"His presence bothers me." Sherlock retorts, but he turns his hand to capture John's and redirected his attention to interrogating Mike about the new lab that is rumored to be in progress at Bart's.

When they've all finished their meals Mandy came out to collect their dishes. "I've got something special for your dessert." She said, with a grin.

John shoots Sherlock a knowing grin, because sweets are one thing Sherlock has never been able to resist. She returns moments later with a tray of cheesecake and strudel.

"Now, I don't usually have this on my menu, but John mentioned that you're a fan of coffee cheesecake Sherlock. And he said he loves apple strudel. So I've got some of both. You guys take you pick!" she says, setting it down in the center of the table.

" _Strudel_ , John?" Sherlock questions, in disdain. "Nobody likes strudel." In response John spears a piece with his fork and places it pointedly in his mouth.

"Actually" Molly argues, taking a piece from the tray "I do." And John grins at her.

"Everyone has different tastes Sherlock." John says, with an affable shrug.

"Sorry mate, but I've gotta go with Sherlock on this one." Lestrade says, taking a piece of the coffee cheesecake for himself.

"Same here, dear." Mrs. Hudson says with an apologetic smile as she takes a plate of cheesecake as well.

Sherlock tosses John a grin, saying "See, majority rules. I have better taste than you do."

"There are still two undecided parties." John argues and as if on signal Mike takes a piece of strudel from the tray.

"I don't really have a preference, but for the sake of the argument." He says, biting into a forkful.

"Tie." John says with a grin.

"Enjoy your moment of temporary victory John. But you know as well as I do that Mycroft can't refuse cake." Sherlock argues with an imperious grin.

Mycroft hasn't said anything the entire debate, instead consulting his blackberry to check in at the office and ensure no national crisis had occurred in his absence. However at the sound of his name he glances up with a narrow glare.

"I refuse to be pulled into your petty feud." He retorts in a cool, dignified tone.

"Come on Mycroft. Pick one." Lestrade prompts with a laugh at his haughty position.

"Certainly not. I was under the impression that it was customary for the couple to feed each other dessert, not bicker over it." He responds with the same disdainful coolness.

With a sigh Lestrade selects a cheesecake from the tray and sets in front of him saying "I know for a fact you can't stand apple, so here. Cheesecake wins."

Eyebrows rise around the table and John can't help but inquire "Are we to expect a happy announcement by the end of the week?"

The joke goes unnoticed by all save Mycroft, who refuses to acknowledge it.

When they've finished off their dessert and Mandy has come to collect their plates Mrs. Hudson announces "Time for gifts."

"What a joy." Sherlock deadpans and John nudges him reproachfully.

"What? It's not like there's any surprises to be had."

"Shut it." John insists.

"But I already know what everyone is giving us." Sherlock argues.

"Well I don't and I like surprises." John retorts and takes selects the white bag from Molly first.

He removes the glittery white tissue paper from the top and reaches in, pulling out a large leather-bound book.

"That's Sherlock's." she says with a nervous smile.

Sherlock takes it from John and reads off the cover "One thousand and one rare poisons. I used to have this book. Lost it at Uni. Wonderful resource." He says which is as close as he will come to showing gratitude.

But Molly's smile widens at his words, so all is well. John reaches back in and removes an elegant metallic photo frame.

"It's for your wedding picture. Thought it would look nice on the mantel or something." Molly suggests and John smiles, already imaging it there. "Thanks."

Mike slides a blue envelope across the table to them. Inside is a simple wedding card, wishing them happiness. Inside the card is a voucher to a local antique bookstore.

"I know you're always looking for something new to read John. And I though Sherlock could probably find something of interest to." He says and John thanks him with a smile.

Lestrade's gift is next and John finds himself smiling as he pulls the tissue paper from the top, knowing what it holds. He reaches in a feels smooth leather. He pulls it out to reveal a badge holder and hands it promptly to Sherlock.

Sherlock takes it, his eye alighting and a very slight smirk working its way onto his face. He opens it and scans what it says; his smirk broadening into a small smug grin as he reads "Sherlock Holmes. Consulting detective of Scotland Yard." Then flips it open and closed with a flourish.

"This will certainly come in handy." He says, stowing it away in his coat pocket with a small nod in Lestrade's direction. Lestrade smiles broadly at the success of his gift

"Just don't abuse the power all right?" he comments with a laugh.

John reaches back into the bag to find an envelope. He opens it and inside is a printed picture of a police issue bulletproof vest.

"We appreciate the gesture Lestrade, but I don't think it will do John much good." Sherlock comments when he sees what it is.

Lestrade lets out an exasperated sigh and explains "I didn't have time to get it ordered and in. So I printed that off and you can have the real thing next time you come by the Yard. Figured you need it on your cases and stuff."

"This is fantastic." John assures him. "Thank you. Immensely." Lestrade waves it off.

"Well I didn't wrap mine up but I'm sure you'll appreciate it all the same." Mrs. Hudson begins.

"You're giving us two months rent free in Baker Street." Sherlock breaks in.

"Sherlock!" John reprimands and Mrs. Hudson just rolls her eyes. "Of course you'd figured it out." She mutters, but there is warmth beneath her irritation.

"Thank you Mrs. Hudson. You're a star." John says with a smile and she waves it off with a grin.

"Brother." Mycroft breaks in, sliding an envelope across the table. "Mummy sends this along with her warm wishes."

John hands it to him, deciding he needs to open at least one gift. Sherlock takes it and fingers it open, pulling out an elegant card. He flicks it open without pausing to read the text on the front and pulls two plane tickets from the inside. "Switzerland." He reads aloud.

"Yes. Mummy has prepared and entire package for you. She's good friends with the owner. Whenever you feel inclined to take a break just contact me and it will all be arranged." Mycroft explains with a smile.

"I don't take holidays." Sherlock argues.

"You will." John breaks in, taking the tickets. "Tell her thanks." John says to Mycroft who acknowledges it with a nod.

"And I've refunded the ceremony fees to your account as my own gesture of goodwill." He adds, before standing. "Although I would love to stay and continue celebrating your new bond of holy matrimony, there is some business I must attend to."

He gives a nod of his head and exits the café. The party breaks up shortly after as Sherlock is slowly growing moodier, anxious to get back to the flat and begin researching cold cases with his new information on rare poisons.

"Shall I stay with Mrs. Turner this evening?" Mrs. Hudson inquires as they're hailing down a cab.

"Is there something wrong with your flat?" Sherlock inquires.

"Not at all dreary, but being your wedding night..."

"We'll be no more raucous than usual. I'm sure you're earplugs will be satisfactory in blocking out any unwelcome noise." Sherlock assures whilst John groan quietly and rubs a hand across his reddening face.

"Have you two no shame?" he grumbles and Mrs. Hudson gives him a sympathetic pat, answering "None at all dear, none at all." with a smile. A cab pulls up along side them and they climb in, heading for home.


	19. Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's set an indeterminate time after the wedding. If you want to imagine it as the morning after you can – or it can be a couple weeks into their marriage as the domesticity sets back in.

8:04  
Breakfast is ready.  
SH

8:05  
What?  
JW

8:05  
I've prepared breakfast. Come downstairs.  
SH

8:06  
You made breakfast!?  
JW

8:06  
Isn't that what I just said?  
SH

8:07  
You're serious? You made breakfast?  
JW

8:07  
You're rather slow this morning. When I said I would shag you senseless last night I didn't mean to do so literally.  
SH

8:08  
No - It's just - You never cook.  
JW

8:08  
That doesn't mean I'm incapable of doing so.  
SH

8:09  
Never said you couldn't. I'm just surprised you did. Are you up to something?  
JW

8:09  
What would I be up to that would result in breakfast?  
SH

8:10  
I don't know. Experiment maybe? Broke something and this is your apology.  
JW

8:10  
If it was an experiment notifying you would alter the results. And your second suggestion is simply preposterous.  
SH

8:11  
You're right. Apologizing isn't your style.  
JW

8:11  
I do apologize!  
SH

8:12  
Only on the rarest of occasions and certainly not in advanced.  
JW

8:12  
True.  
SH

8:13  
So does this have anything to do with our being newlyweds?  
JW

8:13  
I'm tempted to bin your breakfast for making such a suggestion.  
SH

8:14  
It's a fair question!  
JW

8:14  
No - It's a foolish one. I simply fancied eggs and thought you might as well.  
SH

8:15  
That's it then?  
JW

8:15  
Yes. That's it. Nothing more malicious, conniving or sentimental than a craving.  
SH

8:16  
Oh - Okay. Why are you texting me though?  
JW

8:16  
It's easier than going upstairs and waking you. Though I'm starting to wish I had.  
SH

8:17  
Why?  
JW

8:17  
So I could've savored the expression of utter amazement that I'm sure occupied your face.  
SH

8:18  
You never cease to surprise  
JW

8:18  
I try.  
SH

8:19  
You succeed.  
JW

8:19  
Eggs are getting warm.  
SH

8:20  
Don't you mean they're getting cold?  
JW

8:20  
No - They were hot and now they are cooling to warm. It would take almost an hour for them to become cold.  
SH

8:21  
Right. Don't suppose there's any chance of breakfast in bed?  
JW

8:22  
If you want to take your food back to bed I have no objection. Just don't get eggs on the duvet.  
SH

8:23  
Right. Never mind. Be right down.  
JW

8:23  
You'll find something of interest in the paper.  
SH

8:24  
Oh - What? Murder or something?  
JW

8:24  
It's about us.  
SH

8:25  
About our involvement in a case?  
JW

8:25  
No.  
SH

8:26  
Oh - Damn.  
JW

8:26  
Figured it out then?  
SH

8:27  
Yes. Gits. No privacy today. Wonder who sold them to story.  
JW

8:27  
No idea. Not much detail in the article. I would assume an amateur paparazzi got lucky.  
SH

8:28  
Great. What's it say?  
JW

8:28  
You can read it yourself when you come downstairs. It's on the wall.  
SH

8:29  
On the wall?!  
JW

8:29  
Yes. In the kitchen.  
SH

8:30  
What is it doing on the wall?  
JW

8:30  
Serving as an impromptu dartboard.  
SH

8:31  
Ah. Can I burn it when you're done?  
JW

8:31  
Well I was planning on experimenting on the affect of acid on ink with it...  
SH

8:32  
Oh – Alright then.  
JW

8:33  
But I suppose I could use a different article.  
SH

8:34  
Altering experiments for me? You're getting the hang of this romance thing.  
JW

8:35  
You're eggs are in danger of becoming an experiment.  
SH

8:36  
Right. Coming.  
JW


	20. 21 Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John discovers Sherlock's favorite holiday.

10:02  
21 Days  
SH

10:02  
What?  
JW

10:03  
21 Days and 9 hours.  
SH

10:03  
Until what?  
JW

10:04  
Should be obvious, even to you.  
SH

10:05  
Need I remind you that I've only gotten seven hours sleep in the past three days thanks to your case?  
JW

10:05  
Oh, my case is it? And I only got four.  
SH

10:06  
They're all your cases. True – but you don't have to work come Tuesday mornings.  
JW

10:07  
Didn't know my cases were such a burden upon you. You always seem quite eager to assist.  
SH

10:07  
You know what – let's just take a breath. This could turn into a nasty fight very quickly.  
JW

10:08  
Breathing is boring.  
SH

10:08  
Sherlock!  
JW

10:09  
Fine. Yes. Breathing deeply. Satisfied?  
SH

10:09  
Yes. Let's start over then. 21 days until what?  
JW

10:10  
It's really not that difficult.  
SH

10:11  
Sherlock I'm at the Yard waiting to give statements for you to the press because you couldn't be bothered to mingle with the other case agents for fifteen minutes. So stop being an arse. I'm not guessing.  
JW

10:11  
Then count the days.  
SH

10:12  
Fine. Let me find a calendar.  
JW

10:15  
Oh – can't believe I missed that!  
JW

10:15  
Told you it was simple.  
SH

10:15  
Stuff it.  
JW

10:16  
Right. Sorry. But you do see the importance?  
SH

10:16  
Course! Halloween is my second favorite holiday.  
JW

10:17  
Second?!  
SH

10:17  
Yeah. Xmas comes first of course.  
JW

10:18  
Christmas?!  
SH

10:19  
Somehow I can actually visualize you spitting that word out disdainfully.  
JW

10:19  
Perhaps you have remote viewing skills then.  
SH

10:20  
Ha ha. What's wrong with Xmas anyway?  
JW

10:20  
I could provide you with an extensive list. However that would upset you and seeing as we've just avoided one fight I'd rather not begin another.  
SH

10:21  
Good call. I'm guessing that Halloween is your favorite holiday then?  
JW

10:21  
Brilliant deduction.  
SH

10:22  
Careful love, you might drown in all that dripping sarcasm.  
JW

10:22  
I'm an excellent swimmer.  
SH

10:23  
Never mind. Somehow it doesn't surprise me that Halloween is you favorite.  
JW

10:23  
And why is that?  
SH

10:24  
Just suites you. Creepy stuff, body parts, skulls. Sounds like 221B.  
JW

10:25  
Never thought of it that way, but you make an excellent point.  
SH

10:25  
Why have you never made such a big deal out of it before?  
JW

10:26  
What do you mean?  
SH

10:26  
We've lived with each other for the past two Halloweens and you've never even mentioned it.  
JW

10:27  
I was occupied with cases at the time. Work takes precedence.  
SH

10:28  
Oh right. I remember now. So what are the plans then? Decorating?  
JW

10:28  
Unsure. Though as you earlier pointed out our flat is already fittingly decorated for Halloween.  
SH

10:29  
Yeah. Few more spider webs and we could open it up as a haunted house.  
JW

10:29  
I will not tolerate hordes of mindless idiots trampling through our home.  
SH

10:30  
I was just kidding. No decorating then. Costumes?  
JW

10:31  
I haven't dressed up for Halloween in quite some time. I saw no reason to do so when I knew I would simply be sitting around the flat on my own. But perhaps this year.  
SH

10:31  
Lestrade hosts a small Halloween party every year. We should go.  
JW

10:32  
A party?  
SH

10:32  
Yeah. Molly is helping him plan it – Halloween in her favorite holiday too.  
JW

10:33  
Sounds tolerable.  
SH

10:33  
There's a few ghost tours we could go on as well. Though I don't suppose you believe in ghosts.  
JW

10:34  
I have no opinion on their existence. It's not entirely out of the question.  
SH

10:34  
The tour or the existence of ghosts?  
JW

10:35  
Both.  
SH

10:35  
Okay then. I can look up some that have ghost of those who were murdered. You can try and solve it on the way  
JW

10:35  
A challenge? I'm in.  
SH

10:36  
Great. So haunted tour and party. Sounds good to me. What are you going to be?  
JW

10:37  
Be?  
SH

10:37  
For the party. What costume are you going to wear?  
JW

10:38  
I've a few ideas. I need to do some research.  
SH

10:38  
Research? What for?  
JW

10:39  
My costumes are always historically correct.  
SH

10:39  
Right fine. Don't tell me. I'm thinking of going as a zombie.  
JW

10:39  
How original.  
SH

10:40  
I just want to have fun.  
JW

10:40  
And being a mindless brain eating creature is fun?  
SH

10:40  
To me.  
JW

10:41  
Fine. Though if I where you I'd plan on eating before we go.  
SH

10:41  
What?  
JW

10:41  
I don't think there will be on overabundance of brains present.  
SH

10:42  
You're a twat.  
JW

10:42  
Perhaps. But a clever one.  
SH

10:44  
Ah – reporters finally here. See you in a bit.  
JW


	21. John - Three Continents - Watson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock needs John to go undercover for a case and it roots up a bit of his promiscuous past.

10:12  
What are you wearing?  
SH

10:13  
Excuse me?  
JW

10:13  
You know I loathe repeating myself John.  
SH

10:14  
That's not really an appropriate question Sherlock.  
JW

10:14  
And why not?  
SH

10:15  
I'm at work.  
JW

10:15  
Your point?  
SH

10:16  
You really don't see a problem with this?  
JW

10:17  
No. I need the information and I'm asking for it.  
SH

10:16  
And why do you need the information?  
JW

10:17  
For the case obviously.  
SH

10:18  
How are my clothes relevant to the case?  
JW

10:19  
Because I need you to meet someone at a cafe for me when you go to lunch.  
SH

10:19  
And you need to know what I'm wearing because?  
JW

10:20  
I need to ensure that your outfit won't be out of place for your cover.  
SH

10:21  
My cover? Why can't you do it?  
JW

10:22  
I'm working another angle.  
SH

10:23  
Fine. What's my cover?  
JW

10:24  
And what's this about? Who am I meeting and why?  
JW

10:25  
You're rather prolific with questions today.  
SH

10:26  
Well I need to be informed if you want me to get any information for you.  
JW

10:28  
Fine. Check your email. I've sent you full case details.  
SH

10:28  
Okay - hang on.  
JW

10:32  
I didn't think you were taking this case. Thought breaking up marriages was below you and a "waste of cognitive power because they'll ruin themselves eventually"  
JW

10:33  
Are you still upset about that? You know I didn't mean for it to apply to our marriage. Just making a statistically sound observation.  
SH

10:33  
Yeah I know. Still sounds awful. So what changed your mind?  
JW

10:34  
In reviewing the information I've decided that it may prove as a small challenge. Better than stagnation.  
SH

10:34  
Yeah I know. Your mind "rebels" at it. So what information do you need me to get?  
JW

10:35  
Men often brag to others about their exploits with women. I need you to draw this information out of him and record it on your phone.  
SH

10:35  
Then we can deliver it to the girl's father?  
JW

10:36  
Precisely. It should be enough to dissuade her from marrying him.  
SH

10:37  
And how am I supposed to draw it out of him?  
JW

10:37  
Simple. Act as though you're of the same caliber.  
SH

10:38  
You want me to brag about the women I've been with?!  
JW

10:39  
I'm sure you've got plenty of experience to draw on.  
SH

10:40  
What's that supposed to mean? Besides I don't like the idea. It's disrespectful to them.  
JW

10:41  
Such a noble sentiment for John "Three Continents" Watson.  
SH

10:42  
Oh god - Who told you about that?!  
JW

10:43  
I've promised to protect my source.  
SH

10:43  
It was Billy wasn't it?  
JW

10:44  
I can neither confirm or deny that.  
SH

10:44  
Sherlock!  
JW

10:45  
Yes, alright. But he was very intoxicated.  
SH

10:46  
I'm going to strangle that git! I told them never to bring that up again.  
JW

10:46  
Don't kill the messenger John. He simply told the stories. They are based on your actions.  
SH

10:47  
Do I sense some jealousy?  
JW

10:48  
Don't be ridiculous, John.  
SH

10:49  
Yep. You're jealous.  
JW

10:50  
I am most certainly not. You may have spent a night or two with those women but you've agreed to spend your entire life with me.  
SH

10:50  
True enough. Still think you're jealous.  
JW

10:51  
Don't you have patients waiting for you or something?  
SH

10:51  
Green with envy...  
JW

10:52  
You're impossible.  
SH

10:53  
Love you too.  
JW


	22. Christmas Shopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A holiday themed chapter! Sherlock seems rather out of character when he sends John song lyrics via text. Turns out there is a simple explanation.

3:05  
I don't want a lot for Christmas; there is just one thing I need, I don't care about the presents, underneath the Christmas tree...  
SH

3:06  
Um – Sherlock? Are you alright?  
JW

3:07  
Of course John. I deduced when you left that you were going Xmas shopping. Just wanted to let you know that - I don't want a lot for Christmas, There is just one thing I need, and I don't care about the presents, underneath the Christmas tree...  
SH

3:08  
Right. Okay. Have you got a secret stash that I don't know about or something?  
JW

3:10  
No. I just wanted to say - I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know. Make my wish come true, all I want for Christmas is you...  
SH

3:11  
Seriously Sherlock, what the hell are you on about? Have you been talking romance advice from online forums again?  
JW

3:12  
My god – has he really done that before? How do you cope?  
SH

3:14  
WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON?!  
JW

3:17  
John, ignore every message you've received before this one. Lestrade nicked my phone and impersonated me via text. He was making a ghastly attempt to be amusing and clever.  
SH

3:19  
Greg? What's he doing there?  
JW

3:21  
Lestrade, came by to drop off some cold-case files for me to follow up on. He took my phone off the coffee table when I was reviewing one of them.  
SH

3:22  
Oh – that makes a lot more sense. Okay – I feel better now.  
JW

3:23  
What did he send you?  
SH

3:24  
Scroll back through your text history and see for yourself.  
JW

3:26  
Finish up the Xmas shopping quickly.  
SH

3:27  
Why? And thinking on it – how did he know that's where I was?  
JW

3:28  
I told him of course. Because Lestrade will soon need your medical attention.  
SH

3:29  
Don't be stupid – he's got a gun. He'll use it.  
JW

3:30  
As do I.  
SH

3:31  
Keep your hands of my pistol!  
JW

3:31  
Never had a problem with it before...  
SH

3:32  
I've always had a problem with it – You just never listen.  
JW

3:33  
Fine. I can easily disarm him anyway.  
SH

3:33  
Just take it down a notch alright? No reason to throw a fit.  
JW

3:34  
No. You can't see his smug laughter. Idiot's falling all over himself...  
SH

3:35  
Well it was pretty funny...  
JW

3:36  
Really? Because you seemed completely unnerved by it.  
SH

3:37  
I was – it's completely unlike you. In hindsight it's funny though.  
JW

3:38  
It is not amusing. At all. Ever!  
SH

3:39  
It is too. And you've nicked his stuff so often you've no right to complain.  
JW

3:39  
I've never impersonated him.  
SH

3:40  
We both know that's not true.  
JW

3:40  
Fine – I've never impersonated him for the sake of amusement at his expense.  
SH

3:41  
I'll grant you that – but it's no big deal. We both know it's all untrue and that it was a joke. It won't leave the three of us – alright?  
JW

3:42  
Wrong.  
SH

3:43  
About what?  
JW

3:42  
It's not entirely untrue.  
SH

3:43  
Okay...  
JW

3:43  
Though I would never express it in such disgustingly sentimental terms, I do agree with the basic meaning.  
SH

3:44  
Really?  
JW

3:44  
Do you really find it hard to believe that I put more value upon your presence and affection that material goods?  
SH

3:45  
No – Just never thought I'd hear you say it.  
JW

3:45  
You haven't and you won't. We're texting.  
SH

3:46  
Quarrelsome twat...  
JW

3:46  
That's a big word for you John...  
SH

3:47  
You're a colossal pain sometimes...  
JW

3:47  
Love you too.  
SH

3:48  
Unfortunately for me...  
JW

3:48  
Funny – that's the exact same thing I think when you say you love me...  
SH

3:49  
:P  
JW

3:49  
You can't come up with a better response than that?  
SH

3:50  
Don't need to. It's simple and effective  
JW

3:51  
More like childish and immature...  
SH

3:52  
Well I've got to use language you can relate to...  
JW

3:54  
I'll admit – That was marginally clever.  
SH

3:54  
Love you too.  
JW

3:56  
Fortunately for me...  
SH

3:57  
:) Be home in a bit  
JW

3:57  
Pick up Chinese?  
SH

3:58  
Sure  
JW

3:58  
And a body bag?  
SH

3:59  
Sherlock...  
JW

4:00  
Joking...  
SH


	23. Mistletoe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Old habits die hard. So this year Mrs. Hudson is continuing her tradition of hiding mistletoe around the flat, despite the fact that they boys are married.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a head-canon that Mrs Hudson sneaks into 221B and hides mistletoe to try and get them to kiss so they can stop pretending. I figured even after they get together she'll keep it going just for a laugh.

4:31  
Careful when you come in.  
JW

4:31  
Why?  
SH

4:32  
Mrs. Hudson is trying to hide mistletoe around the flat.  
JW

4:33  
Inconvenient. But why does that equal my need for caution?  
SH

4:34  
Because she's taken to hiding in the closets when I come in so I don't see what she's up to. Wouldn't want you to attack her because you don't realize it's her.  
JW

4:35  
John, I could recognize her perfume from a mile away.  
SH

4:35  
Sherlock!  
JW

4:36  
It was a statement of fact, not an insult!  
SH

4:37  
Uh-huh.  
JW

4:38  
Why is she hiding mistletoe around the flat anyway?  
SH

4:39  
She does it every year.  
JW

4:40  
Yes, but in the past years you and I were only friends and she was attempting to remedy that. Now we're a couple and it serves no purpose  
SH

4:41  
I don't know – nostalgia?  
JW

4:42  
Yes I'm sure she looks back fondly on the days when you refused to go through the door-way behind me because of the mistletoe over it. Ah, the memories.  
SH

4:43  
Stuff it. Besides, everything was different then.  
JW

4:44  
You do realize that no one would've forced you to kiss me if you'd happened to pass under the mistletoe with me? It does not possess magical abilities that enforce the foolish tradition we've associated with it.  
SH

4:45  
Yeah, I know. Still seemed awkward.  
JW

4:46  
And now you couldn't care less. How things change.  
SH

4:46  
Not true.  
JW

4:47  
What?  
SH

4:48  
You make it sound like I'm indifferent to the idea of snogging you. Not true. I love snogging you.  
JW

4:49  
And I you. But please remove the mistletoe when you find it.  
SH

4:50  
Why?  
JW

4:50  
While Mrs. Hudson may recall it fondly it reminds me of just how obtuse you can be. Also its annoying and sentimental.  
SH

4:51  
Hey I wasn't the only one! You didn't exactly profess your love for me or anything.  
JW

4:52  
Did you expect me to?  
SH

4:53  
No. I would've been frightened if you did actually. But that's not the point!  
JW

4:54  
And what is the point?  
SH

4:54  
The point is I'm leaving the mistletoe.  
JW

4:55  
John, the holidays are tortuous enough. Please don't make them any worse.  
SH

4:56  
You're so melodramatic. The mistletoe stays.  
JW

4:56  
I will collect it and burn it.  
SH

4:57  
You will not.  
JW

4:58  
Are you going to prevent me from doing so?  
SH

4:59  
No. But I'll mess with your book-filing system and throw out those foul smelling mushrooms you've been growing.  
JW

4:59  
You drive a hard bargain. Very well.  
SH

5:00  
Is that your form of surrender?  
JW

5:01  
I don't surrender. I reconsider my intended actions.  
SH

5:01  
Right. Surrendering then. Good. Though I still might throw out those mushrooms. They really are foul.  
JW

5:02  
You wouldn't dare!  
SH

5:02  
Wouldn't I?  
JW

5:03  
What happened to goodwill for all mankind and such?  
SH

5:03  
I'll embrace that sentiment when you do.  
JW

5:04  
So when hell freezes over then?  
SH

5:05  
You said it, not me.  
JW

5:06  
Why do I love someone as insufferable as you?  
SH

5:07  
Don't ask me. They're your chemical reactions.  
JW

5:08  
Indeed.  
SH

5:10  
Oh – can you swing into Tesco and get some candy-canes on your way in?  
JW

5:11  
Certainly. They're the one appealing part of this season.  
SH

5:12  
Thanks, love.  
JW


	24. Ties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John attempts to go the pub for a quiet afternoon. Of course Sherlock won't have that. Not when he's bored.....

4:03  
Are you milking the cow yourself?  
SH

4:05  
What?  
JW

4:06  
You left two hours ago to get milk. Are you milking her yourself, or is this some sort of death match with the chip and pin machine?  
SH

4:07  
I told you I was going to the pub and then I'd get milk on the way home.  
JW

4:08  
You didn't say a word about the pub.  
SH

4:09  
True – I said I was going out. Which almost always translates to – I'm going to the pub.  
JW

4:10  
Shouldn't there be quotations marks in there somewhere?  
SH

4:11  
Can you just stuff it?  
JW

4:11  
Can I? Yes, I suppose I am physically capable.  
SH

4:12  
Prat. Will you just stuff it?  
JW

4:13  
No. I'm bored.  
SH

4:14  
Fine. I'll just ignore your messages then.  
JW

4:16  
John, I seem to be experiencing difficulty breathing...  
SH

4:17  
Nice try, Sherlock.  
JW

4:19  
Oh, never mind. It was just shortness of breath caused by laughter at your ridiculous threat.  
SH

4:20  
And what is ridiculous about it?!  
JW

4:21  
Well for one thing – you're still replying. You always reply.  
SH

4:25  
And now you aren't going to answer me just to make a point, right?  
SH

4:31  
You're being childish, John.  
SH

4:35  
Fine. You don't mind if I test the flammability of silk by using one of your ties do you?  
SH

4:39  
I'll take your lack of objection as permission.  
SH

4:42  
Shall I use your dark red or moss green one?  
SH

4:43  
Perhaps the one with the blue and white stripes?  
SH

4:46  
Dammit, Sherlock leave my ties alone! Bastard.  
JW

4:47  
Knew you couldn't resist. Language, John. We're married now, remember.  
SH

4:48  
And your point is?  
JW

4:49  
Aren't you supposed to treat your dearly beloved with respect and affection?  
SH

4:50  
Yeah, when they treat you with it. But burning my ties doesn't really classify as "respect and affection."  
JW

4:52  
You're being obtuse, John. I wasn't really going to burn your ties. I like seeing you wear them far too much.  
SH

4:53  
Well I can never tell with you. Really? I thought you hated them. You always complain when I wear them.  
JW

4:54  
No, I complain when you wear that horrendous old grey tie. Though it's the one you wear most often...  
SH

4:55  
What's wrong with my grey tie?! I've had it since Med School. I love that thing.  
JW

4:56  
Well the fact that you've had it since Med School is part of the problem. And it's dull.  
SH

4:57  
It's not dull – it's subtle and classy.  
JW

4:58  
No, John. I am subtle and classy. Your tie is dismal and outdated. It should be binned.  
SH

4:59  
Sherlock, I seem to be having difficulty breathing...  
JW

5:00  
And what are you laughing about?  
SH

5:02  
The idea of you being subtle and classy! Classy I can give you, on a really, really good day you can be classy. But subtle?! Have you met yourself?  
JW

5:03  
I can be very subtle, John. But most of the time I must speak and act blatantly because I'm surrounded by idiots who have no understanding of the minutia of life.  
SH

5:04  
Right. If that helps you sleep at night...  
JW

5:05  
Don't be ridiculous - you help me sleep at night.  
SH

5:06  
Careful there, Sherlock. That was almost touching.  
JW

5:08  
Was it? I was trying more for "Stating the obvious." My mistake.  
SH

5:10  
Love you too. Be home in twenty minutes with milk.  
JW


	25. Otterlock And Hedgehogson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Sherlock discover the silly side of Tumblr.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a request to do something involving otterlock and this is what I came up with. Enjoy!

11:43  
How's the case, my dear otter?  
JW

11:45  
What?  
SH

11:46  
You look like an otter.  
JW

11:46  
John, I was under the impression that it's illegal to consume alcohol while practicing medicine.  
SH

11:47  
I'm not drunk! It's this thing I found on the internet.  
JW

11:47  
What are you talking about?  
SH

11:48  
People think you look like an otter.  
JW

11:48  
They're obviously imbeciles. I do not in any way resemble a semi-aquatic mammal.  
SH

11:49  
Actually you kind of do. They've matched picture of up of you and compared them to otters. The similarities are striking.  
JW

11:51  
You are being absurd. Otters have long, slim bodies and relatively short limbs, with webbed paws. Most have sharp claws on their feet, and all except the sea otter have long, muscular tails. They are also covered in dark fur.What similarities does that appearance have to mine?  
SH

11:52  
Well it's more the facial expressions really.  
JW

11:53  
Oh? Do otters project an expression of utter exasperation at the level of stupidity that surrounds them? Honestly, idiocy has reached a new height in the world. I fear I may soon perish from it's foul presence.  
SH

11:54  
Stop being over-dramatic. It's only a joke around the web.  
JW

12:03  
You failed to mention that you look like a hedgehog.  
SH

12:04  
What? I do not!  
JW

12:05  
You do according to the internet. I just found it. The similarities are striking.  
SH

12:05  
Shut up. That's not funny.  
JW

12:06  
But it's true! While the connection is not one I would have made myself, they are quiet correct.  
SH

12:07  
Oh so I look like a hedgehog, but you can't possibly look like an otter?  
JW

12:08  
Yes. Now you've got it.  
SH

12:09  
You're impossible. And for the record I do not look like a hedgehog!  
JW

12:10  
I exist therefor I am possible. And you do. Perhaps it's the perpetually disgruntled look you have. Hedgehogs seem to share it. And you can be rather prickly at times...  
SH

12:12  
I only look "perpetually disgruntled" around you. And it's your fault. So there.  
JW

12:13  
Your vibrant wit has disarmed me, John. What possible reply can I offer to your scintillating argument?  
SH

12:14  
Piss off.  
JW

12:16  
It took you nearly five years but you finally said it. Congratulations, John you've lasted far longer than anyone else. I admire your perseverance. Having said that - I decline your request.  
SH

12:17  
Have I ever told you how much I hate you?  
JW

12:18  
Yes. Several times. Almost as often as the number of times you tell me you love me. Hypocrisy, John.  
SH

12:19  
Well they say the line between love and hate is a thin one. I can't help it if I fall to the other every once and awhile.  
JW

12:20  
Excellent point. Though I hope you retain your position on this side more often than not.  
SH

12:21  
That was nearly touching. You've really got to be careful of that. Wouldn't want to ruin your reputation.  
JW

12:23  
As a medical professional I would've thought you'd be honor bound to inform me that your sentimentality was contagious.  
SH

12:25  
Slipped my mind. Patient coming in – talk later?  
JW

12:26  
Perhaps. Though I'll be busy with the blood tests.  
SH

12:27  
So in other words I'll talk and you might nod your head if I'm lucky?  
JW

12:28  
You know me so well, John.  
SH


	26. Love Is An Airborne Pathogen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock and Valentine's Day don't blend well.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to wait until it got closer to the 14th to post this but I couldn't resist adding the SIP reference and then I remembered that today is the anniversary of their meeting so I just had to....

**11:44**

I loathe February.

_SH_

**11:45**

Okay. Bit extreme don't you think? To hate an entire month?

_JW_

**11:45**

On the contrary, I find it rather reasonable.

_SH_

**11:46**

Right. And why do you suddenly hate February so much?

_JW_

**11:46**

I'd have thought that was obvious.

_SH_

**11:47**

Well maybe it is, but I haven't fully recovered from the pub night with Greg...

_JW_

**11:48**

As I'm well aware considering I'm in Tesco on my own doing the weekly shopping.

_SH_

**11:48**

Stop complaining. I always do the shopping. Once isn't going to hurt you.

_JW_

**11:49**

I beg to differ. The cacophony of love ballads and excessive usage of pink just might do the trick.

_SH_

**11:49**

Are they using a frankly alarming shade?

_JW_

**11:50**

What? Is that some sort of reference to one of those inane movies you forced me to watch the other night?

_SH_

**11:52**

No – and Star Wars is not inane! It was something you said during Study in Pink...

_JW_

**11:53**

They are too. How am I to know which case you're referring to if you insist on using your ridiculous blog titles as a reference?

_SH_

**11:54**

Those inane movies happen to be a  _cinematic classic._ And it was our first case together. I'm surprised you don't remember that.

_JW_

**11:55**

Which helps support my theory that 98% of the human population are idiots. I recall our first case perfectly. I merely deleted its  _honorary_   _title._

_SH_

**11:56**

Would you lay off the blog titles please? I've heard it a dozen times.

_JW_

**11:57**

And yet you still aren't listening.

_SH_

**11:58**

If you start saying "You hear but you do not listen." I will deck you.

_JW_

**11:59**

And why would I say that?

_SH_

**11:59**

Well you say "You see but you do not observe." All the time

_JW_

**12:00**

Do I? Your dramatic nature and love of sensationalism must be rubbing off on me.

_SH_

**12:01**

You're calling  _me_  dramatic?! That's rich.

_JW_

**12:02**

You are dramatic. All the fuss you made about the jar of maggots in the sitting room is a prime example.

_SH_

**12:03**

I give up. I'm done with you...

_JW_

**12:04**

Sorry to hear it. And just before Valentine's Day. What a tragedy...

_SH_

**12:05**

You know what I meant. And that's why you hate Feb isn't it? Valentine's Day.

_JW_

**12:06**

If you mean to ask if Valentine's Day is why I hate  _February,_  then yes. I have nothing against Feb. I'm not even sure what it is. Forensic Education Bureau, perhaps?

_SH_

**12:07**

You're making my headache worse you twat. You know very well what Feb stands for...

_JW_

**12:08**

Good. Glad to see you're sharing my suffering, even if it is from a distance.

_SH_

**12:09**

Sod off...

_JW_

**12:11**

Just purchased a large gaudy paper heart.

_SH_

**12:12**

There's got to be a punch-line or something here considering how much you dislike Valentine's Day. Please tell me you don't plan on burning it because that would be a waste of money.

_JW_

**12:13**

Don't be ridiculous, John. I'd never do something so childish as to purchase something purely for the purpose of setting it on fire out of spite.

_SH_

**12:14**

No? Could've fooled me...

_JW_

**12:15**

I intend to decorate with it.

_SH_

**12:16**

Who are you and what have you done with the real Sherlock Holmes? And how much would you charge to keep him?

_JW_

**12:17**

_Hilarious,_  John. Really, you should consider a career change with such comedic talent.

_SH_

**12:18**

I'm the comedian? You're the one who's talking about decorating for Valentine's Day. I'm just waiting on the punch-line.

_JW_

**12:19**

The heart reads "Love is in the air." As if it's some form of airborne pathogen. I believe I'll put a Caution sign over it...

_SH_

**12:20**

And there it is. Absolutely hysterical. Now can you please get back here with the pain meds and Early Grey?

_JW_

**12:21**

Remember the old saying, John "Don't rush a genius."

_SH_

**12:22**

The term is "You can't rush genius"

_JW_

**12:23**

Close enough, isn't it?

_SH_

**12:24**

You know I was just thinking your decoration may not work out quite as you planned.

_JW_

**12:25**

What do you mean?

_SH_

**12:26**

Well it will say "Caution. Love is in the air." And it will be hanging in our flat. It sounds a tad romantic actually, in a weird way.

_JW_

**12:27**

Excellent point. I shall take your advice then and simply burn it.

_SH_

**12:28**

That wasn't my advice! And you will not, because now I like the sound of it.

_JW_

**12:29**

You like the sound of burning it? I suppose we could take turns with the matches...

_SH_

**12:30**

No – I like the sound of using it as a decoration you git.

_JW_

**12:31**

Well sorry to disappoint you, John but it's not going to happen.

_SH_

**12:32**

And why not? It's true isn't it?

_JW_

**12:33**

What?

_SH_

**12:34**

That love is in the air in 221B...

_JW_

**12:35**

No it's not.

_SH_

**12:35**

It isn't?!

_JW_

**12:36**

Of course not. It's in our bodies and minds in the form of chemicals and hormones.

_SH_

**12:36**

Though I suppose lust could be in the air, as pheromones are inhaled...

_SH_

**12:37**

Fair enough. I can work with lust...

_JW_

**12:38**

As I'm well aware.

_SH_


	27. Red Pants Monday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short and smutty. My one and only contribution to the Red Pants Monday tradition. And the kink fic that was requested by several of my lovely readers.

**4:21**

Sherlock if you get an email from my sister do not open it.

_JW_

**4:21**

Your warning comes fifty-three seconds too late.

_SH_

**4:24**

Oh god - I am going to kill her!

_JW_

**4:24**

Don't expend the effort John. I don't see what you're so upset about anyway. You were already aware of the nature of our fans.

_SH_

**4:25**

Yes I'm aware but that doesn't mean she has to rub it in my face! It's embarrassing.

_JW_

**4:26**

If you're so upset perhaps you should shut down your ridiculous blog. And what's embarrassing about it? I find it rather intriguing.

_SH_

**4:27**

It's not ridiculous! Intriguing!? They're plastering the web with drawings of me in nothing but red pants! How the bloody hell is that intriguing!?

_JW_

**4:28**

I think you've just exhausted your exclamation point allowance for the week.

It's intriguing that they've correctly deduced our various sexual kinks. Not the sort of thing I'd spend my cognitive energy on - but each to their own. At least they're using their minds for something.

_SH_

**4:29**

Oh sod off. What do you mean correctly deduced? So they guessed you like me in red pants - a lot of people like the colour red. Stop admiring them!

_JW_

**4:30**

John, you really ought to calm yourself. Getting riled will remedy nothing. And I wasn't simply referring to the red pants.

_SH_

**4:31**

Oh god - you mean there's more they've created?!

_JW_

**4:32**

Yes. According to this Tumblr blog your charming sister sent through I have a military kink which includes a fondness for domination and dog-tags. Clever.

_SH_

**4:33**

What?! How the hell did they figure that out?

_JW_

**4:34**

I'm unsure. But they've also got your bondage kink - with my scarf. They're very perceptive.

_SH_

**4:35**

Oh my god... Why? What have I ever done to deserve this?!

_JW_

**4:35**

You're being melodramatic, John.

_SH_

**4:36**

Melodramatic? They're plastering the internet with my kinks, Sherlock! That sort of thing is supposed to be private!

_JW_

**4:36**

Don't be absurd, John. At this point it's only fan theory - very accurate theories - but theories nonetheless. Just ignore them.

_SH_

**4:37**

I suppose you're right...

_JW_

**4:38**

Of course I am. Though I'm very curious as to how they've deduced all this. They even got your language kink. I didn't even know about that until a few weeks ago.

_SH_

**4:38**

What?! I do not have a language kink!

_JW_

**4:39**

No? Then would you care to explain the signs of arousal I read from you when I was interviewing that Frenchman?

_SH_

**4:40**

You're being ridiculous. You just got it wrong. It does happen to you on occasion.

_JW_

**4:41**

Oh, my mistake then. I suppose this means I shouldn't brush up on my human anatomy...

_SH_

**4:42**

What are you on about?

_JW_

**4:44**

Oh it's nothing really. I simply thought you might find it enjoyable for me to murmur the Latin names of your body parts as I do...various things to them. However since my deduction was incorrect there's no reason to bother.

_SH_

**4:47**

Fine you win you bastard. I do have a language kink...

_JW_

**4:48**

Oh - So I should continue my anatomy studies then?

_SH_

**4:49**

Yes. Maybe I'll "quiz" you when I get home...

_JW_

**4:50**

Oh! That's one of yours they don't have – a teacher/learning kink!

_JW_

**4:51**

No, they've got that one as well.

_SH_

**4:52**

I really hate the internet...

_JW_

**4:53**

And I completely despise the lines at Tesco.

_SH_

**4:54**

I agree – but that's random.

_JW_

**4:55**

Not at all. The lines are long and slow and you have to stand in them which mean I have to wait longer for you to get home.

_SH_

**4:56**

Oh – right. We don't need milk all that desperately...

_JW_


	28. Experiments

**3:24**

Do you recall that email your sister sent a few weeks ago?

_SH_

**3:25**

How could I forget?! And why are you asking? I thought we agreed not to talk about it.

_JW_

**3:26**

Well you're memory isn't as impeccable as mine, so I was simply double-checking. And I don't recall agreeing to any such thing.

_SH_

**3:26**

You did. We were having tea that night and I was deleting the email and I said "We don't ever mention this again" and you nodded and said "Mmhmm"

_JW_

**3:27**

I wasn't agreeing with you! I was confirming that man's answer to the trivia question on the telly – don't you remember? The question was about the source of Ricin. Honestly, John - you should pay more attention.

_SH_

**3:28**

I give up. What do you want? You texted me about it for a reason. Don't tell me she sent something else!

_JW_

**3:29**

I won't.

_SH_

**3:29**

Damn, Sherlock - did she or didn't she? Don't be a prat - I've already got a headache.

_JW_

**3:30**

She didn't.

_SH_

**3:31**

Thank god. So what's this about, then?

_JW_

**3:31**

I doubt god had anything to do with it. I'm simply conducting more research on the matter.

_SH_

**3:32**

Wait - what?! You mean you've been looking at more of those sites and that Tumble stuff?

_JW_

**3:32**

_Tumblr,_  John. The website is called Tumblr. And, yes I have.

_SH_

3:33

WHY?!

JW

**3:33**

No need to shout. Because I'm intrigued. Our fans seem to have a unique ability to apply psychoanalysis to sexual kinks.

_SH_

**3:34**

And why is that interesting to you? What's even the point!?

_JW_

**3:35**

It might be useful someday. Passion is a key culprit in crime and I make it a priority to have a firm understanding of the many ways in which passion might manifest itself.

_SH_

**3:36**

Right. Okay. I'm not having this conversation. I'm tired and I've got an enormous pile of paperwork on my desk. Talk to Billy or something.

_JW_

**3:36**

Mrs. Hudson has taken him again. Besides, I need your feedback.

_SH_

**3:37**

Well that's new. Fine – seeing as I can't shut you up – go ahead.

_JW_

**3:38**

Excellent. Most of the kinks I've come across are those that do in-fact apply to us. Gunplay, knife-play, and a variety of BSDM. These of course all make sense – with your military history it's an easy leap.

_SH_

**3:39**

Wait- hang on! Just because I've handcuffed you once or twice doesn't mean I'm into BSDM!

_JW_

**3:39**

John, don't be obtuse. It's not all sex clubs and long black whips. You enjoy bondage, domination, submission and you're a bit of a masochist. The same applies to myself as well.

_SH_

**3:40**

Sherlock, you're  _way_  off. I'm not – well – any of those things!

_JW_

**3:41**

Remember when I told you not to be obtuse, John? You were a Captain. You _enjoy_  being in control.

_SH_

**3:42**

Well maybe that bit – but I'm not a masochist!

_JW_

**3:42**

I could argue that point simply by listing your home address. But if you require further proof then I shall point your memory in the direction of last week when you seemed to thoroughly enjoy me ramming you against the kitchen wall.

_SH_

**3:43**

You know what? Let's just move on. I'm not in the mood to argue.

_JW_

**3:44**

You mean  _I'm right_  but your pride won't allow you to admit it.

_SH_

**3:45**

No, Sherlock.  _You're_  the prideful one of the two of us. But seriously – let's move on. Please.

_JW_

**3:46**

Certainly. Some of the other's I've come across aren't kinks we possess that I'm aware of – hence the reason I need your feedback.

_SH_

**3:46**

Oh sure – just quiz me about bedroom stuff when I'm up to my eyes in paperwork. Perfectly normal.

_JW_

**3:47**

If you're up to your eyes in paper work then how are you texting?

_SH_

**3:48**

It's a figure of speech you bastard! Just get on with it.

_JW_

**3:49**

This would be much easier if you were being a willing participant.

_SH_

**3:49**

Sorry to be such a let-down. Guess you'll just have to muddle through.

_JW_

**3:50**

I suppose there are other methods of gathering my data.

_SH_

**3:51**

And what are they? Not that I really want to know – but since you brought it up.

_JW_

**3:51**

Experimentation.

_SH_

**3:52**

I'm not following.

_JW_

**3:53**

Isn't that par the course?

_SH_

**3:54**

Sherlock! Just explain please so we can finish this conversation faster.

_JW_

**3:55**

_Think,_  John. I need data on your kinks. What sort of experiments might provide my desired information?

_SH_

**3:59**

Oh. Right. Experiments.

_JW_

**3:59**

I knew you'd catch on eventually.

_SH_

**4:00**

I'll be home at my usual time, then. Love you.

_JW_

**4:01**

I know.

_SH_


	29. Dinner For Your Beloved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it feels good to be back writing Johnlock again. I apologize for my absence from the Fandom, SPN has hijacked my life, not that I am complaining. 
> 
> I've already got an idea for the next chapter – how do you all feel about Molly/Dimmock?

**6:26**  
Sesame Chicken from Golden Lotus for dinner.  
 _SH_  
  
 **6:27**  
You know some people use "please" when making a request.  
 _JW_  
  
 **6:27**  
It wasn't a request.  
 _SH_  
  
 **6:28**  
That's  _across London_ , Sherlock!  
 _JW_  
  
 **6:29**  
John, I haven't eaten for three days.  
 _SH_  
  
 **6:29**  
And whose fault is that?  
 _JW_  
  
 **6:31**  
John Turner's.  
 _SH_  
  
 **6:31**  
Who?  
 _JW_  
  
 **6:32**  
The murderer. Keep up.  
 _SH_  
  
 **6:33**  
Oh, you solved it, then?  
 _JW_  
  
 **6:33**  
No, John, I have the name of the murderer but I haven't solved the case.  
 _SH_  
  
 **6:34**  
Alright, no need to get sarcastic.  
 _JW_  
  
 **6:34**  
There is  _every_  need. You won't get Chinese.  
 _SH_  
  
 **6:35**  
I'll get you Chinese, just not from Golden Lotus. There's the cafe right near the flat.  
 _JW_  
  
 **6:36**  
Their Sesame Chicken is too dry. And they drench their fried rice in soy sauce.  
 _SH_  
  
 **6:36**  
Then order something else! Or we could go to Angelo's.  
 _JW_  
  
 **6:37**  
I'd much rather have Chinese. Please, dear.  
 _SH_  
  
 **6:37**  
 _Dear?_  That's not going to work on me,  _love._  
 _JW_  
  
 **6:38**  
Are you honestly saying that you won't ride in a cab for a mere 30 minutes to fetch Chinese for your beloved, who just helped put a dangerous criminal behind bars?  
 _SH_  
  
 **6:39**  
Yes, that is exactly what I am saying. It's pouring down and traffic is a nightmare.  
 _JW_  
  
 **6:40**  
Wasn't there something on our vows about for better or for worse?  
 _SH_  
  
 **6:40**  
Yes, but nothing about Chinese food  
 _JW_  
  
 **6:41**  
There should have been.  
 _SH_  
  
 **6:42**  
You are impossible.  
 _JW_  
  
 **6:42**  
Yet you love me anyway.  
 _SH_  
  
 **6:43**  
Yes, madman that I am.  
 _JW_  
  
 **6:43**  
So you'll get me Chinese food?  
 _SH_  
  
 **6:45**  
Certainly. From the cafe nearby  
 _JW_  
  
 **6:46**  
Come now, John. Be reasonable.  
 _SH_  
  
 **6:47**  
I  _am_  being reasonable, Sherlock. You on the other hand...  
 _JW_  
  
 **6:48**  
 _I_  am always reasonable, John and I resent your implication otherwise.  
 _SH_  
  
 **6:49**  
Okay, Mr. Reasonable. Explain to me how traveling 30 minutes for Chinese when there is a perfectly decent cafe that serves the same food 15 minutes ways is reasonable.  
 _JW_  
  
 **6:50**  
The cafe nearby is not perfectly decent and therefor your argument is invalid. The only thing they serve that is even tolerable is egg rolls and I cannot subsist off of egg rolls.  
 _SH_  
  
 **6:52**  
You are a petulant child  
 _JW_  
  
 **6:53**  
No. I am a hero who brought a viscous murderer to justice.  
 _SH_  
  
 **6:55**  
Fine. I'll get you something from the Golden Lotus, but you have to talk with the press about closing this case. I'm not giving any statements for you.  
 _JW_  
  
 **6:56**  
A loathsome bargain, John.  
 _SH_  
  
 **6:57**  
It's the best offer you're going to get.  
 _JW_  
  
 **6:58**  
I'd rather eat mediocre sesame chicken than spend a moment mingling with those imbeciles that call themselves reporters. Go to the cafe.  
 _SH_  
  
 **6:59**  
I'm already here.  
 _JW_  
  
 **6:59**  
Oh, very clever, John. And you say I am impossible.  
 _SH_  
  
 **7:00**  
You are, love.  
 _JW_


End file.
